


Teacher's Pet

by mcmachine



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, F/M, First Time, Porn With Plot, Professor Avery, Rape, Rape Recovery, Smut, Student April, age gap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-04 08:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13361037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcmachine/pseuds/mcmachine
Summary: April Kepner is a freshman at Northwestern University, planning to major in biology and pre-med. Dr. Avery is the young, handsome biology professor that everyone seems to be enamored by. She just wants to maintain her GPA.





	1. Office Hours

**Author's Note:**

> Quick clarification that April is absolutely 18 in this story, nothing underage about it! The first six parts were originally posted on Tumblr, but will be continued here.

“Dr. Avery?”

Quiet words interrupted the new Biology professor’s office hours, his gaze drawn up toward the door. A familiar face stood there: April Kepner, recognizable from her numerous other trips to his office with thoughtful questions and her knack for being one of the highest grades in his class. She was always one of the last to finish exams but he knew it was because she was relentless about getting an A in his class. Medical school aspirations, it made sense.

“Hey, April. Come on in. Ready to grill me about the final?”

The redhead laughed, adjusting the bridge of her glasses across a freckled nose.

“Yeah, I guess. I just want to make sure that I do well, especially since you said at the beginning of the semester that you don’t curve or do extra credit. I don’t want to slack off now.”

“You look tired. Do most of your other classes have cumulative finals, too?” Jackson inquired. It wasn’t uncommon for him to ask about what was going on in student’s lives. He was a social professor, one of the highest ranked on most websites. He may not have been tenured yet, but he was certainly on his way toward it. This was only his third year teaching at Northwestern, but he was fond of the school and the student body.

“Yeah. I’m only really worried about this one and chemistry, though.”

“Taking both at the same time, huh? You must have a knack for torturing yourself.”

Laughter fell from April’s lip once more, her bottom lip disappearing between her teeth. Really, she didn’t need a lot of help with biology. Almost all of it was easy to learn from the textbook or his PowerPoints. But coming to his office hours was a lot more relaxing than burying herself in the corner of some library till the smell of highlighters and expo markers drove her insane. Dr. Avery was easily her favorite professor, he was thorough and precise, but seemed to genuinely care about the learning of his students. She knew that the same couldn’t be said for every professor. The only reason his class had been available was that it was early in the morning. Early bird gets the worm.

“What can I help you with?”

A charming smile is shot her way as Jackson stood up from behind his desk and motioned for her to sit in one of the two chairs on the other side of his desk. April took off a heavy backpack and sat down as she began to pull out her notes, meticulously organized and color-coded as always. He sat down next to her, watching with one corner of his mouth remaining turned up.

It doesn’t take much for the two of them to get lost in talking about the cell and transcription factors, meiosis and mitosis. His office hours had been set to end about forty-five minutes after she arrived, but she was perhaps the only student that he had this year who seemed just as passionate about biology as he was.

Neither of them noticed the time until her phone rings. April reflexively grabbed it to shut it off, until the time glared at her.

“Oh! I’m so sorry. It’s after five. I should go. I didn’t mean to keep you, I’m sure that you have other things that you need to get to…” she rambled, already beginning to move to pack up her items and hurry out.

“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t even notice.” He chuckled, leaning down to pick up a pencil that she’d dropped and handing it over to her. His hand moved to rest on her back for a moment as she finished packing up, igniting a furious blush across the redhead’s cheek under the wrongful assumption that he was trying to usher her out. “I’ll see you in my review session tomorrow, right?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

The enthusiasm is adorable, and Jackson couldn’t help but smile a little larger at her. If he had been in college the same time as her–– well, he could think about a lot of things that he would have wanted to do with her. A tutoring session only began to cover the most innocent parts of his thought, but he’s quick to push them to the back of his mind. Sure, she’s an adult. But she was probably only interested in the grade and not him, and she definitely didn’t need any extra credit in order to get an A in his class.

“Try and get some rest between now and then, Kepner. You know sleep is just as important for doing well as knowing the material, and I think you’ve already got that much covered.” Unable to help himself, he shot her a playful wink.

April’s blush turned an even darker shade of red, both hands clasped tightly around her planner. Lips part and shut a few times as before finding her voice.

“I–I will. Thank you, Dr. Avery. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She ushered herself quickly out of his office full of embarrassment. Had her really just winked? At her, no less! The office door shut behind her and April paused for a moment, glancing back at the shut door. He was just being friendly. Of course, that was it, she rationalized. He was always charismatic and joking around with students during class, this was without a doubt no different. She could hear him shuffling around behind closed door and found herself staring for a moment until another person walked by, nearly fumbling as she turned quickly on her heel and began to scurry away.

Oh, she wanted an A. More than anything. But maybe she wanted to know a bit more about the professor, too.


	2. Lunch

Noon consistently meant that the cafeteria was crowded, nearly everyone rushing in for a break from classes or studying. There never seemed to be enough tables. April held onto her tray close as she meandered through chairs and bags, careful of her step and trying to find an empty table to sit at. Eyes scan the crowd with an edge of desperation behind them.

“April?”

The sound of her name caught her off guard, flinching and nearly spilling her bowl of soup. A quick turn on her heels, surprised to see her biology professor.

“Oh! Oh, hi, Dr. Avery,” she chuckled in her pause. “Sorry, I’m not always so jumpy. I just didn’t think you’d be eating down here. I always thought that professors always hated this kind of place.”

“Even professors like free food. Why don’t you sit down?”

“Uh– really? I mean, are you sure?”

“Of course.” Jackson had eaten lunch with students here and there throughout the past couple of years, though usually, it was some type of formal luncheon. On occasions, a group of students would invite him to lunch. This didn’t quite qualify as the same category, but he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed April’s company more than most students. Behind the shy exterior, nearly hiding under her glasses, she was beautiful. He’d noticed. He wasn’t oblivious and even if he was technically her superior, he was still a man.

April carefully placed down her tray at the seat across from him, setting down her bag before seating herself. She offered him a smile of thanks, albeit awkward, before she began to express herself verbally.

“Thank you. Dr. Avery. That’s very kind of you. I’m surprised that you’re not hiding away in your office. You must get tired of us, right?”

“Sometimes.” 

He chuckled before taking a bite of his sandwich and April took the opportunity for a few spoonfuls of soup. Should she bring up class? It seemed like the only thing that could come to mind, but she wondered if he had to get tired of the constant questions from students who didn’t understand what was going. Not that she really fell into that category. But diving into the details of his personal life seemed inappropriate. She knew that he had a German shepherd at home, that he’d gotten his PhD at Tulane, but that was just about all she could think of on the spot.

“Are uh, finals a stressful time for professors, too? Or do you just enjoy watching all your students run around like a chicken with its head cut off?” God, that was a stupid thing to say. April regretted it immediately after it came out.

“Both, actually,” Jackson mused. “Higher demand for office hours and emails, a bit of a tighter deadline for getting in final grades verse a regular exam. Nothing like what you guys have to deal with, though. I used to lose my mind during finals when I was in school. I would’ve been on my knees begging for someone like you to tutor me.” He offered a few details to let the conversation flow with a bit more ease, sensing some of her tension.

“Really? I–I doubt that you would’ve needed my help. I mean, you’re a professor now, you must’ve been good at biology in undergrad.”

“I wasn’t bad at it, but I didn’t have the same work ethic as you. Especially my freshman year. I was on the football team, and I was really into it. My first year, my grades were terrible. I really had to pick it up after that.”

“Yeah? I would’ve never guessed. Not about the football thing, I mean, I can see that.” Blush filled the apples of her cheeks as she spoke. “You’re tall and you have very uh, muscular arms. But the work ethic. I mean, there are a lot of professors around here who are… lazy, I guess, compared to you. You’re really involved compared to a lot of them.” She praised, the smile curved across chapstick coated lips earnest. 

The conversation flowed a bit easier after that, talking about his own experiences in school and letting her compare it to some of his own. A little personal mixed in with talking about the shared academia between them. It makes time pass faster as the food begins to disappear collectively off of their trays, chatter and laughter being passed back and forth easily.

Half an hour and both of their plates are nothing more than faint stains and crumbs. The cafeteria was still crowded, more students who were in the same happenstance that she had been in early, wandering around for a table.

“I, uh, do you think that we should get up? They look like they need a table and we’re both done eating.” Words are slightly stuttered out when conversation hits a slight lull, April looking up at his face expectantly and hoping that she hadn’t managed to offend him with the question. Instead, a gracious nod of understanding and agreeing finds her as both of them gather up their items.

“Of course, you’re right. I enjoyed lunch, Kepner. Good luck studying.” A charming smile that was enough to daze the redhead is shot at her as he walked away, and April found herself standing there dumbly for a moment as she replayed the image in her mind. A few seconds pass before some other student swoops into the spot that he had been moments ago and she’s slowly walking away from the table herself, mind reeling over the lunch.

____________________

_Hands grip into red hair as the woman moved expertly along the length of his cock, moans falling from his lips as he held back just enough restraint to avoid thrusting himself into her face. The noises leaving his moan were vulgar enough as he encouraged her on, numerous praise for the younger woman leaving his lips without hesitation, so damn close to his own relief._

Jackson jolted awake suddenly when his dog jumped up onto the bed and on his stomach, letting out a grunt as the massive animal curled up next to him. Sleepy eyes blink a few times and he reflexively pets her a few times, before the tent beneath his covers catches his attempt.

“Jeez…” A hand came up to scratch the back of his head as he recalled the dream. Shit, was that…? Eyes squeeze shut for a moment to pull the image back into his head and it’s absolutely April Kepner on her knees, looking up at him from behind glasses. The hard ache between his legs resumed and he had no choice but to get up from the bed, grabbing lotion as he made his way to the bathroom, fully intending to make use of the image before going back to bed.


	3. Final Exam

Her exam wasn’t until four in the afternoon, and April felt like she was going crazy before of it. While it was nice that she didn’t have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and could actually get some food in her system before taking the exam, the hours after lunch were spent restlessly. Logically, she knew that she shouldn’t try to cram any last minute knowledge in her head at the risk of confusing or overwhelming herself. And yet she ended up skimming over her notes for the hundredth time – skimming, because really, she had all of the knowledge on the page well memorized.

Showing up fifteen minutes early to the auditorium, she found herself in a seat in the front and middle, knowing that she’d likely use the entire testing period. Part of her had hoped that Dr. Avery would be a little early, but he doesn’t. Instead, she sits quietly, leg shaking and listening to chatter around her.

“Alright, guys.” He walked into the room looking like a damn male supermodel, sweatpants hanging low and shirt tight. It’s nothing like the slacks and button downs that he normally wore to class, but it seemed like the professors were just as happy to relax on these days as students were. “Phones off, let’s quiet down. The TAs are going to start handing out scantrons and exams. Make sure you put your name on every page of the exam and mark which version you have on your scantron. Once you get it, you can start. Good luck.”

The next two hours are only mildly agonizing for April. And it wasn’t because she didn’t know the answers, no, that was far from it. The multiple choice was easy and the short essay questions were fair, more likely to overthink what it was asking than directly not know how to answer.

But instead, she found her gaze occasionally drifting up from the paper to eye him. Jackson was alternating between sitting and pacing the room slowly, and there was something alluring about the way that he moved. She could see the definition from his biceps and triceps, the kind of muscle that could have easily scooped her up. It’s the first place her mind goes, really, and she’s not sure why. Eventually, dazzling eyes catch her staring, and she’s quick to blush and refocus on photosynthesis.

Clock ticked down aggressively, and April had been done for at least twenty minutes, going over answers again, and again, occasionally erasing and rewriting to make things neater. But eventually, the buzzer goes off.

“Alright, time to turn it in.”

Hands appear at the edge of her desk and she looked up to see Dr. Avery standing right there, a furious blush appearing at the edges of her cheeks as she picked up the paperwork and handed it toward him.

It’s only then that she looked around and realized the rest of her class, minus one other boy had trickled out of the classroom upon completing their exam. More embarrassment settled in and she knew that she could have turned it in sooner, should have, perhaps. But instead, she’d sat there. Maybe she wanted to be alone with him and didn’t know how to admit it to herself.

April was slow to pack up her things, a mixture of feelings beginning to hit her. With this exam done, her semester was over. She’d get to drive back home to Moline tomorrow.

She watched as her other classmate turned in his exam, packing his backpack considerably faster than what she had. A deep breath is sucked in before she’s finally alone with her professor, turning to the older male with a soft smile across her expression, thankful her mind had something to say.

“Thanks for a great semester, Dr. Avery. I really enjoyed it.” Complete truth.

“Of course, it’s all a part of the job. You’re a great student, April. You’ll do well in whatever you want to do. I teach part two of the course next semester. Are you going to be in my class?” The inquiry was friendly enough, even if Jackson couldn’t help but hope that she would say yes. There was something… different about her, something that he couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

“Oh! Your class is full, actually. I’m on the waitlist but I don’t think I’ll get in.” April’s shoulders lifted in a shrug after the words leave her lips.

“Yeah? Don’t worry about it. I’ll get you in. I can email you an overload code tonight, just type it into the registration page and it’ll let you in.”

“Really? Are you sure about that?”

“Of course. You’ve emailed me enough this semester I pretty much have your email memorized.” Jackson’s words are meant to be teasing, but he couldn’t help but love the blush that filled his student’s lips at his words. The appreciation words that follow from April’s mouth are to no surprise, but he’s quick to wave off her thanks with his hands, not wanting to make much of a big deal about it.

April fell quiet for a moment, bottom lip rolling between her teeth once more to chew at the flesh nervously. She wanted to say something else but her mind was suddenly running short of thought, fortunately, clueless to what exactly was going on in her professor’s mind.

Watching her bite her lip like that, Jackson couldn’t help but think of the dream that he’d had of her the night before. Now, in the middle of the day, it feels a lot more wrong than it had in the heat of the moment.

“I uh, I guess I should go.” The redhead muttered, corners of her mouth twitching upward into a smile as she looked back up at him.

Jackson gave a nod, knowing that his TAs had fortunately already gotten all of the papers and scantrons organized and separated for him, one of them having taken them back to his office to be dealt with tomorrow. They were either there waiting for him, or had left on their own accord –– whatever it was, he was glad they weren’t here to interrupt what he was about to propose.

“Why don’t you come over and have dinner? It’s a little bit of a tradition. Or at least was when I went to school. Professors would invite over some of their best students for dinner at the end of the semester.”

Doe eyes go wide at the proposition, blinking a few times in surprise at the offer before her head is nodding in agreement, mind nearly unable to process the words. She’d heard about stuff like this before, but she’d always thought that it was just some kind of myth, not something that actually happened.

“I–I would love that! Of course, that sounds great. Thank you so much, Dr. Avery.” More gratitude falls her lips with ease, the smile that crinkled across her freckled features completely genuine.

Jackson stepped away for a moment, grabbing a piece of paper and pen from his bag for her. Both his address and personal cell phone number are written down on the piece of paper, and he smiled widely as he handed it over to her.

“How about 8 o’clock, tonight? It’s not much of a drive from campus and I’m sure that you must be eager to get back home to your family for the holidays.”

“That’s great. Perfect. Thank you, again. I’ll see you then.” Suddenly, she had a purpose to get out of there, to change and get ready, make herself look a little more presentable. April took the piece of paper, glancing down at it and surprised to see that his phone number was written down along with his dress. It made sense, surely, he was just being polite. In case that she got lost on the way or was running late or changed her mind. That was just good manners, it couldn’t be anything more than that.

Things gathered once more, April rushed out of the classroom with the piece of paper held tightly in her hands, newfound energy rejuvenating a youthful smile.


	4. Dinner

“What’s got you in such a fuss?”

April didn’t quite hear her roommate’s question, bent over the sink in their dorm room to apply mascara across long, light lashes without clumping them all together. There’s the slightest nervous shake in her head, but she’s glad that she’s at least nearsighted. 

“April. What’s going on? Aren’t you going home tomorrow?”

“Huh?” She paused, realizing what Julia had asked before the brunette had the chance to repeat her question. “Oh, nothing. I am. I still am. I just have something to do tonight.”

“Looks more like someone to do.” The older girl replied without missing a beat. “Do you need to take some condoms with you? You can take some of mine. Seriously, don’t trust the guy to have some. They’re totally unreliable.”

“Julia!”

A balled up tissue is thrown pathetically at the other, smudges of foundation and lipstick smeared across the material. Of course, it’s less than twenty seconds later before she’s moving to pick up and toss it in the trash bin. Their room had been stressed cleaned more times than this week than she could count on one hand, saying that it was just because she wanted it clean before going home, but really she just needed to keep herself busy. Now, though, she wanted more than ever to slow down.

Popping back over in front of the mirror, she assessed her appearance. Her makeup was fine, about as fancy as she went – foundation to even out her skin tone, a light shimmery pink painted across her eyelids and mascara, lips painted in a soft, matte nude. A slight bit of bronzer was added, not wanting to look like too much of a ghost even if she preferred a natural look.

“I’ll be back by midnight.” April spouted off as she stared at her reflection for a moment longer. “If I’m not, will you call me and make sure that I’m alright?” It was something that she’d done for her roommate, of course. Julia went out much more than she did.

“Only if you really want me to. Morning sex is a great way to wake up.”

“Julia!”

That’s enough to get her changing out of the black dress that she’d first put on. Jeans would be warmer, anyways. Light washed material is slipped into quickly, pulling on a camisole and black sweater instead. Heeled boots are pulled on, still wanting to look nice. A puffy winter coat and scarf are the final pieces, not bothering with a beanie for the sake of keeping her hair smooth.

“I’m serious, okay? Call me if I’m not back. I know you’ll be up.” A slight concern as she looked back at her roommate, waiting until approval came before grabbing her purse and heading out.

________________

Hisses of steam filled the kitchen as pasta and boiling water are poured from the pot and into the strainer in the sink. Jackson leaned back to avoid the heat getting onto him too much, just finishing up dinner. His townhouse was lavishly decorated from his mother’s insistence, just past thirty and still able to avoid her interference in some aspects of his life. But tonight’s dinner was all his own doing. Minus the fact that the caesar salad had been prepackaged.

But it was all presented nicely, at least. A fresh loaf of bread aromating the kitchen, salad tossed in a nice white bowl, pasta now waiting in the strainer with a vodka sauce and vegetable mix simmering on the stove. A bottle of merlot was already opened, two wine glasses set down. Nothing too fancy or over the top, going with something easy.

The clock was seven minutes until eight o’clock, April standing nervously outside on his doorstep. It was freezing outside, quite literally. Snow covered the sidewalks and she was lucky as always to have made it there without slipping, especially in her shoes. Although she was always early to his class, showing up early to his house for dinner seemed like… too much.

Or that’s what she told herself for the first four minutes of standing there. But she could only take so much of the brutal weather.

The sound of the doorbell ringing rang through his house. Jackson tossed down the kitchen towel, smoothing out his shirt. He’d changed into black jeans and a black button-down shirt, deciding that perhaps sweats weren’t quite appropriate. Patterned socks were a bit dorky, but didn’t bother him as he opened up the door and greeted her with a smile.

“Hey, April. Come on in, you must be freezing out there.”

“Hi, Dr. Avery.” For once, there’s no hesitation in stepping inside, cold being more than enough to make her brazen. Jackson helped her out of her scarf and coat, hanging the items up in the hall closet nearest the door. “Oh, wow. You have an amazing house. That’s a gorgeous fireplace. And it smells amazing!” Compliments are released like a floodgate, the compulsive need to be a good and pleasing guest coming out in full force.

“Thank you. I’ve got to admit, the fireplace is nice for cold nights like these. You’ve got perfect timing, though, I just finished up the pasta. I wasn’t sure if you eat meat or not so I made sure to do something vegetarian. And please, call me Jackson.” He ushered her further into the house and toward the kitchen, hand finding the small of her back in a natural motion.

“That’s fine! I uh, I grew up on a farm, actually. I eat plenty of meat. Probably ate more pork than what I should growing up,” she shrugged with her words.

“Wine?”

“What?”

“Would you like a glass of wine, April? It’s Merlot.”

A slight pause, blinking a few times as she processed the words. Maybe he had assumed that she was over twenty-one or maybe he was just one of those people that didn’t care. She wet painted lips, shaking her head.

“Oh, no. Uh, but thank you. I’m only eighteen.”

“Yeah? Sorry. I just assumed. When I was in college, well, no one really cared as long as you were in college.” A look of bemusement covered his features as he moved to put the second glass back up in the cabinets before pouring himself a single, modest glass. “But that’s good of you, staying honest.” Jackson continued as he moved to pull out two plates from the cabinet, setting them down and grabbing sets of silverware to match.

April gave a nervous look around the place, gaze set on the two plates that he pulled out. The way that he had spoken before… she’d thought that he might have been inviting other students from her class or one of the others that he taught. Apparently, she’d been mistaken about that.

“Go ahead, serve yourself.” The words pull her out of her thoughts and she gave an eager nod of her head before grabbing a plate, filling it up half with salad and half with pasta, a piece of garlic bread getting placed on this edge.

“This looks and smells amazing, really. I can’t think of the last time I’ve had a meal that wasn’t fast food or from the cafeteria.”

“It’s nice to have someone to cook for, really. A lot easier to cook for one person than two. I’ve never really been one for leftovers.” Jackson followed suit, waiting for her to finish serving herself before getting a plate of his own, pasta taking over the plate a little more than his salad did.

The two of them sat down across from each other, a bit of small talk occurring for the sake of being polite and not wanting to get into something too deep. April was still nervous about the prospect of being the only student there, feeling like she should say something about it but not wanting to offend him. Jackson, on the other hand, managed to be completely oblivious to the nerves. He was enjoying himself completely, glad to have genuine company.

“Do you mind if I ask you something, Dr. Avery?”

“Jackson. And sure.”

Another slight pause is taken, barely blushing as he corrected her words but instinctively nodding at the same time.

“When you asked me here for dinner, I… I kind of thought that other students might be here, too. You said best students and I know that you have plenty of brilliant students. I mean, it’s Northwestern. Everyone’s brilliant.”

The fork full of penne paused halfway to his mouth as the words come out of her mouth. No actual question escaped from his student but Jackson wasn’t an idiot, he understood where exactly she was getting. Probably just trying to be polite.

“What’s your question, April?” He asked for a bit of genuine clarification, not wanting to assume. The last thing he wanted to do was put words in her mouth.

“Is this a date?”

Maybe he should have assumed because that definitely wasn’t what Jackson had expected to hear coming from her mouth. Not because it was an outlandish possibility. It was a realistic one. He just hadn’t expected her to be forward enough to come out and say it. The possibility of it must have really been bothering her – or, well…. something else. He preferred the latter.

The slight pause that he put between her question and actually answering it had April in full panic mode. Maybe her roommate had gotten into her head too much with all of the teasings about the sex, or maybe she’d just taken it over the top with her need to get ready and look nice. But he’d changed too! Even if he always looked insanely handsome, he’d dressed up nicer than before.

“Only if you’d like it to be, April.”

Jackson’s mouth had turned upward into its signature smile, green eyes beaming at her so beautifully that she was stunned into silence by the power of them alone. His answer? That was merely the icing on the cake. And yet it was absolutely terrifying all the same.

He popped his last mouthful of pasta into his mouth in the most casual way possible, April’s plate still having a few scraps of lettuce and the squash in the sauce that she’d picked around. But she set her fork down, taking a deep breath before she could voice any kind of response.

“Maybe I’ll take that glass of wine now."


	5. Wine and Warmth

Once both of their meals had been finished, plates are placed in the sink and left to soak. April attempted to try and get them done completely but Jackson had shut that down quickly, insistent that she was a guest and didn’t need to lift a finger for him. Of course, she took the same point and disagreed right back against him. But it was a futile attempt.

Instead, they both settle in front of the fireplace.

A glass of red wine was held by each of them, the flames crackling peacefully and warming the room. Honestly? It was the most romantic thing April had experienced ever, even if she’d panicked at the thought of this being a date. There were a million other questions still running through her head.

Jackson, however, found himself at peace regardless of what this was or wasn’t. He hadn’t had company like this in a long time. Sure, he’d occasionally found himself caught up in a fling or one night stand, but there was nothing substantial about the last few women that he’d been with. They’d been attractive and not annoying and… well, that was about it. A few other students, nothing like April, had ended up in his office hours pleading for extra credit and how they’d do ‘whatever he wanted’. That’d been shut down in an instant. Even if his interest in April was much more than what any professor should have had for their student, it was beyond the physical, and she certainly didn’t need the extra credit.

“So… do you want this to be a date?” April finally broke the silence, sipping her glass of wine almost immediately after.

“Only if you want it to be. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or feel pressured into saying whatever I want. I’m not going to suddenly fail you.”

“I–I didn’t think you were like that.”

Another quiet avoidance of answering the question, offering instead an honest statement that didn’t necessarily deviate from the topic at hand. She didn’t know what to think about any of this.

“Honestly, I thought you would’ve already had a girlfriend,” April admitted, bottom lip rolling between her teeth for a moment after speaking. It didn’t seem like an unfair assumption. He was successful and attractive, professors had to have somewhat of a steady schedule that must’ve been appealing to anyone who was looking to settle down. But thinking about it more only made her realize how different of places they were in their lives.

And yet, despite that…

She wanted to say yes. She wouldn’t have considered herself thirsty or whatever term her roommate was using now. But he had so many good qualities and he was interested in her. With her mostly lacking dating history, that seemed like a once in a lifetime opportunity.

“No girlfriend, no. Again – I wouldn’t ask if I had one.” Jackson looked at her, placing the glass of red wine down on the carpet as he turned to face her.

“You don’t have to answer right now, April. I promise this isn’t going to have any kind of effect on your grade. And, I promise that I’d like you to be in my class next semester either way. But I like you. You’re incredibly intelligent and passionate about what you’re studying, you have a love of learning that I’m lucky to find in any student. The only flaw I could possibly find is that you don’t speak up enough. You’re shy, I get it. As a teacher, I have to critique you for it, but… as a person, I think that it makes you all the more charming.”

If possible, the blush across April’s cheeks was fierce enough to nearly turn the same shade of red as her hair. Teeth dig harsher into her bottom lip and her gaze inevitably dropped, until gentle fingertips touch her chin and pull it back up, looking into gorgeous eyes directly.

“You don’t have to be shy around me, I promise.”

There was something so impossibly sincere about his words that she found herself nearly overwhelmed by the intensity of something so simple. Sitting by the fireplace, drinking wine and having him so close… it felt intimate. His eyes seemed to look into her so directly that she was convinced he could read into her soul and see every little piece of her, no matter how ridiculous the thought would have made her feel later.

“I–I like you.” The words are barely above that of a whisper when they finally escape from April’s lips, corners of her mouth turning upward into a nervous smile. She was being honest, trying to be brave. But that felt like a stretch.

“Good. Otherwise, this might’ve been awkward.” Smooth words escape from Jackson’s lips without a moment of hesitation, laughter managing to spill out from the both of them.

Hazel hues scanned the features of Jackson’s face for a moment, taking in the details. She’d never noticed how nice of eyelashes he had until she was up this close, as well as light freckles scattered across his nose and cheeks. But without a doubt, his eyes were the award-winning feature, the one that caught everyone’s attention. That was something that she’d noticed the first time she spoke to him after the second class.

The longer that April stared, the more that she realized she wanted to kiss him. Instead, her free hand reached for one of his to hold.

Jackson’s gaze dropped momentarily as soft fingers make contact with his, naturally moving to interlock along with hers. It was simple, yet something about the contact was just fitting for her. She was gentle, sweet. Not the type to go over the top.

“So, since you like me, does this mean we’re allowed to qualify it as a date?”

The question is only a little bit teasing, even if there’s absolutely seriousness in the way that Jackson looked back up at her. His thumb brushed across the back of her knuckles gently, a small gesture of intimacy.

“Yeah. I–I guess so. I’d like to be. But… I mean, how does this work? I can’t be in your class if we’re going on dates. There’s got to be something against that. And I don’t want you to get in trouble for anything because of me.” The nervous rambles are characteristic of April, questions pouring from her lips as if expecting him to have all of the answers. Instead of some kind of understanding gesture, a pair of raised eyebrows greets her.

“I don’t know. I haven’t done this before.”

“Of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you did, I just–”

“It’s okay, April. You don’t need to apologize. But we’ll figure it out. I’d like to figure it out with you. We’ve got winter break in front of us, so… take a chance to make sure that this is something you really want to do. Don’t agree with me in the moment and regret it later, okay? We’ve got time to figure it out.”

For once, April fell quiet and gave him a nod of her head, a quiet promise to consider everything that he was saying. She didn’t think that a few weeks of break back home would change her mind about anything. But it was kind of him to offer, she knew that. She knew he could get in more trouble than she would. From the school, at least. Her family, well… a different story.

“Okay.”

They both smile at each other for a moment, sincerity across their gazes.

It’s only after that when Jackson finally leaned forward to narrow the gap between them, his lips pressing against hers firmly. A brief second passed where April froze, unsure what to do, before adjusting herself and moving toward him. Not quite chaste yet nothing that would’ve embarrassed either of them, lips working in tandem to establish some kind of comfortable rhythm between the both of them.

Not yet parting, Jackson’s hands moved to the small curve of April’s hip, pulling her in a little closer. She adjusted as naturally as she could, but one wrong move of her leg and suddenly a half-full wine glass is spilling on the carpet.

“Oh gosh! Oh–oh, I’m so sorry.” April practically apologized against his mouth as eyes reopen wide to look at the mess she’d accidentally created.

Instead of panicking, Jackson only chuckled, stealing another sweet kiss from her lips before pulling away and shaking his head.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Jackson rose to his feet to grab a hand towel to hopefully clean up the mess before it could stain too badly, April following him up habitually with red cheeks, not wanting to sit around and do nothing while he cleaned up her mess. Less than a minute later, they’re both on their hands and knees trying to gently knead the wine back out of the carpet.

“I guess this has to be some kind of bad sign, doesn’t it?” Insecurity poured out of April’s lips without any kind of hesitation, looking up at him.

“Nope. I’d say it’s worth it."


	6. January

Winter break was long.

That was the only descriptor that April could offer for it, despite all the fake smiles and stories intricately weaved. The first two or three days were nice, a chance to relax from the stress of school and not have to worry about the responsibilities of studying. Being home on the farm kept her from growing too idle, gave her something to do with her hands between pigs and goats. But it didn’t take her long to begin to miss the intellectual stimulation that being at college offered. And as wonderful of people as both of her parents were, well blossomed with real-world knowledge and experience, it wasn’t what she was looking for.

A twinge of excitement came when Dr. Avery’s name appeared in her email box, giving her an enrollment code for his class next semester.

April couldn’t help but hesitate, however. Not because she didn’t want to be in his class, she would have loved any time around him. She wanted to be in his class and know him outside of the classroom. Both seemed wrong. Fears of bias and not earning her grade came. Two days later, she caved and enrolled.

The rest of her break came and went mindlessly. Christmas was lovely as usual and she somewhat bonded with her sisters, as best that she could. Libby as always gave unwarranted fashion advice, and April found herself listening for once. She knew rationally that changing the way that she looked or behaved for a man was ridiculous, but there’s still some deeply rooted sexism driving her.

New Year’s came and went uneventfully. She’d never cared much for the holiday. Skintight, glittery dresses and drinking didn’t appeal to her. She stayed up late out of some obligation and fell asleep shortly after midnight.

Jackson didn’t enjoy the holidays drastically more.

Grades in and work for the semester done, some focus on his research was given. He knew that he was coming near a break from the lull that he had found himself in, could feel it on the tip of his fingers. He had a conference to prepare for as well near the end of January, something that always left him nervous. While he could stand up and lecture in front of a hundred students without faltering, there was something different about being among his peers and other leading researchers in the field. And, of course, his mother.

“Our current research aims to build new theory for disease outbreaks that can explain parasite transmission and reproduction in heterogeneous populations and dynamic environments. To achieve this, we combine field surveys, experimen––”

“Jackson! Stop practicing that same old speech, sweetie. You’ll be fine and I’ve heard about your work a hundred times. I read your papers. Tell me something I don’t know.”

The matriarch of the Avery family was not a force to be reckoned or disagreed with. As many complicated feelings and moments as Jackson may have had with his mother, he loved her dearly. However, anyone that knew Catherine Avery knew that she had a way of getting her claws into things and refusing to let go or be shaken off. The personal life of her boy was just one more thing.

“When are you going to get yourself a girlfriend? You know I want some grandbabies to love.” Not the first time she’d asked him that question.

“All in due time, mom. I’ve got plenty of time.” Not the first time that Jackson had given that answer, either, accompanied by the slight shake of the head. But there’s the slightest change in his voice, a near hint of embarrassment that exposed him. Maybe no one else would’ve picked up on it, but she would.

“Ah! You’ve met someone. I can see it.”

She’s not wrong, not in the slightest.

“Go on, tell your momma all about her. I won’t make you tell me a name, but I at least want to hear about whatever woman has managed to worm her way into your life. I was starting to think that it’d never happen.”

And Jackson did. For once, he willingly opened up to his mother and was more than happy to ramble on about the way that her nose crinkled when she was deep in thought, how her eyes sparkled with that smile that could light up an entire room. How fiercely intelligent she was, brushing over details and questions about her own research interests, saying merely that she was in academia. As much adoration as he already had for the little redhead, he didn’t have a clue how to open up about the fact that she was a student of his.

___________________

Her phone was already buzzing within hours of her returning to campus.

( sms from Jackson: ) are you ready to talk?

As eager as April had been to see a message from him for the entirety of the last few weeks, seeing the actual words on her screen bring an entirely new bundle of nerves that she hasn’t felt since their first date. She clutched her phone and stared at the message for what felt like hours before she could finally begin typing a response to him. She typed and backspaced, and typed and backspaced, and typed and backspaced. Then she settled.

( sms from April: ) sure.

The one-word answer is received on the other end with a smile and a shade of worry from Jackson. She agreed, but not with as much as enthusiasm as he had hoped. Teeth biting his lip, he let out a sigh before shooting back a reply, giving a slight pause so he didn’t send it back too quickly.

( sms from Jackson: ) do you want to meet at my place again? tonight?

( sms from April: ) that sounds good. can i bring anything? i’d offer wine but… a little difficult with the whole 18 thing.

It wasn’t intended to be a harsh reminder of the age difference between them, but she can’t help and think about how it sounded when she typed it. She nearly deleted it and left it at the ellipsis, but decided against it. It was a mere fact that the both of them needed to be able to face and accept if they wanted any chance at this working. As silly and schoolgirl-like as it may have been, April wanted this to work. She wanted a good and meaningful relationship.

Jackson, despite being much further into his life, wanted the same thing without any kind of shame. He was just at that point in his life.

( sms from Jackson: ) don’t worry about it. 7:30?

( sms from April: ) 7:30 sharp.

This time, when April arrived at his doorstep, she doesn’t hesitate in the same way that she had the first time. Her puffy coat and a beanie kept her warm this time, leggings tucked into her Uggs. Nervousness had hindered and coldness won, but she’d gone through the woes of putting on a face of makeup, at least. 

When the door opens, the breath of relief that escaped both of their lips is synonymously in sync. Smiles followed, eyes crinkling and twinkling with easy joy. Their questions and doubts for a moment were eradicated.

“It’s good to see you,” Jackson was the first to speak as he pulled the door open wider and stepped out of her way so she could come in.

“Yeah, it’s really good to see you too. I missed you over break.” April’s confession came out faster than what she wished, but he takes it as an invitation to pull her in for a hug. Muscular arms envelop her frame completely, making her feel small and warm against him, a warmth that the puffy coat she wore couldn’t quite provide.

Without any warning or thought from it on her end, April pulled back from the embrace in the slightest degree. She doesn’t pull away from him. Instead, she stretched forward onto her tip-toes and pressed a firm kiss to his lips. He’s warm and welcoming all the same, his mouth felt nice against hers, inviting for more. The slight scratch of his stubble against her soft skin nearly tickled but not enough that she wanted to pull away from him. She didn’t want to pull away, she didn’t ever want to pull away, even when her lungs ached for air.

And she barely did. Breaths are taken with minimal distance, not wanting to slow down even as hands get the zipper of her jacket undone. Beanie atop her head fell off, her hands gripping onto his shirt desperately to pull him closer. Back gave a slight arch as she pressed into him, forcing Jackson to bend over to kiss her harder than before.

His hands are warm on her flesh, taking advantage of the slight part that gave access to pale skin. His thumbs brushed up the cotton fabric even further, hands large enough and her small enough that they just brush underneath her belly button. Ticklish again, enough this time that she thinks.

And when she does finally think, she has to pause.

“Stop– we… we should slow down.”

Her wishes are respected immediately. Jackson broke the kiss and straightened up properly, his expression a bit sheepish. Apparently a month away from each other had been much more than anticipated.

“Sorry about that,” he breathed out, though he doesn’t quite mean it. He wasn’t sorry for kissing her like that in the slightest. Wanted to do more.

“You don’t need to be sorry. I like kissing you. I just… I think that you should know I’m a virgin. And I’m waiting for marriage. That’s important to me. Really important. A deal breaker, actually. Iknow that a lot of people these days don’t do that anymore but it’s a part of who I am and who I plan on being.”

The confession came pouring out of her lips, and April can’t help but anticipate the worst. He’s older already, and she can’t imagine that a man who looks like that doesn’t have his fair share of experience. It’s a judgment she would have never wanted to cast on herself, yet she can already piece it together for him.

“That’s okay. If it’s what you want to to do, that’s your decision.”

“Really?” Relief spread across her features buoyantly, letting out a nervous sigh that she’d held. She hadn’t expected such a mature reaction. But… it made sense. He was an adult. Much more of one than she was.

“Really. I mean, I’m not going to tell you that it’s the same for me because it’s not. I lost that way back in high school. But I won’t push you into sleeping with me, not ever, and especially when it means that much to you.”

Having the conversation out and in the open made April feel much better about where she was, where she would be. This time when she smiled up at him, she absolutely beamed. A little bend is given to pick up her cap and jacket from the floor, allowing him to take it and put it in the hall closet. Eyes watch him for a moment, trying to bury the natural desire of longing for him. Even if she was determined to walk down the aisle a virgin, she was still human at best, a horny teenager at worst. Thoughts were there even if actions weren’t.

“Are you hungry?”

“Starving. And I’ve decided.”

“Decided?”

“That I want this. I want you. I want to be in a relationship with you, no matter how complicated it’s going to be. I just want something real and… you’re real.”

It’s a vast simplification of everything that had gone through April’s minds in the last few weeks, the diary entries and the lists of pros and cons that she’d made. But she doesn’t want to pour her heart out yet, even if she wanted to make her choice clear. It was far too soon to call it love, but it was certainly like, an infatuation, something stronger than what she knew to label it. But… it was real, it was there. Ignoring it wouldn’t make it go away, and she didn’t want it to go away. She wanted to grab what was right there in front of her.

“Yeah? I kind of picked up on that with that kiss.”


	7. Delineation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter update that wasn't originally posted on Tumblr, yay!

The first few weeks of the semester fly by. April had lucked out with no eight am classes, and every Monday and Wednesday the first class she attended was with her boyfriend teaching. The second semester was more challenging than the first, and it was more than just his class. Chemistry was stressing her out, more than anything that she had ever experienced before. Sure, the first semester had been hard, but she began to genuinely feel like she was drowning in her work. She was sleeping less and less, only growing more nitpicky about everything that she did.

Jackson noticed. He wasn't oblivious to the hardships that came with college even if his own first year had been somewhat easy from classes and from not taking everything quite so seriously as she did. Even if he didn't test well, he'd never been prone to stress in the same way.

A quick exchange had been made during office hours to set up a date.

They nearly always met at his house, not wanting to raise any suspicions by being seen spending too much time together. There's a little more worry now that it was beginning to warm up – or at least, some days were above freezing, offering a little more movement on the streets. But it's the best option they have. There's been plenty of shared meals, they'd binged the entirety of House of Cards, and just started on Black Mirror. It was going a little slower with the conversations had throughout.

Tonight's dinner had been simple. April had picked up a to-go order at Panera on her way over, backpack still on and heavy with textbooks. They'd eaten and Jackson had stepped out for a few minutes to walk his dog.

When he steps back into his house and lets Bandit off the leash, she goes running toward her water bowl.

April's passed out on the couch.

Jackson paused in admiration for a brief moment, glasses at a crooked angle from the way that she was laid out, hair falling to cover the bottom half of her mouth. Not perfect or sexy by any means, obviously unintentionally, yet it warmed his heart nonetheless. He could see the way that she was working herself down, knew that she was stretching herself too thin despite her consistent insistence that she was fine and could handle it. Her biology textbook was open on the floor, laptop on the webpage of the supplemental homework that he offered. Not graded, but good for comprehension. Of course she did it.

He debated with himself for a moment if he should wake her. April had gone off earlier about the stuff that she needed to do this week, he knew that she didn't have any exams or midterms, though she'd talked about a paper due over the weekend. It's Thursday. Knowing her, she'd likely have it done and yet say that it wasn't because she hadn't read through it a dozen times to check for errors or improvements that could be made. A few minutes, that would be fair.

Moving across his townhouse quickly, he got a blanket out of one of the closets and draped it over her thin frame carefully. Jackson pulled off her glasses and set them down on the table to make sure they didn't break, gently brushing hair back out of her face. April gave the slightest stir as his fingertips brushed against her face, but didn't wake up. He could tell that she was exhausted even with the makeup that she used to cover it. He squatted down and picked up her books, shutting them and setting them by her glasses. He dug through her backpack only for a moment to find her laptop charger, fingers brushing by what appeared to be a diary.

"What...?" Question muttered out loud to herself, mostly on the assumption that... well, she was too old. Jackson shook his head to himself for a moment, plugging in her laptop. A quiet snore had started up. She really was out like a light.

For a brief moment, he just stood there and admired her. Though she was young, she was beautiful in her own, down to earth way. But he worried about her. Thoughts drew back to the diary in her bag for a moment. It was an intrusion of privacy, he knew that. But he wanted to make sure that everything was okay, that she was okay. And she was out cold...

Just a quick look, Jackson rationalized. Enough to make sure that she's okay.

_Can't stand chemistry. Prof is a sexist, know-it-all who refuses to explain concepts to people who don't immediately understand it. He makes me feel like I'm not going to be good enough to get through. Thank God I have Jackson... I already have too much going on and I can't stop. I can't fail. I won't fail. I feel like I'm dying a little bit each day and want to talk to Dr. Myers about possibly upping my meds... but I hate that I'm on them in the first place. They just don't seem to make a difference. Maybe I'm just meant to be anxious. But maybe that's the thing that's going to get me through when nothing else does. I need something to get me through._

The invasion of privacy immediately felt like too much, and Jackson is quick to shut the diary and put it back where it came from, trying to make it look like nothing had been shuffled around in the first place. All of the worries that he had in the first place had only multiplied now. He hadn't expected the medication, but it made sense knowing her and the way that she worried about everything. But it hadn't been something that she had been comfortable enough sharing, none of it had. Guilt swirled in the pit of his stomach for a moment as he tried to process everything. Her anxiety seemed much more obsessive than what he'd ever been able to process from the outside.

And her chemistry professor, well, that was a whole different ballpark. He'd chatted with Dr. Burke a couple of times, one of the older faculty members in that department. Never had been much of a fan of him, but never had any reason to dislike him now. Maybe that was just because he was a man and couldn't see all of it himself, but if he was really treating April that way...

Thoughts are cut off by the stirring of the redhead on the couch, worry replacing with moment surprise as if caught in the middle of doing something inappropriate. But the evidence was put away.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

"Hi..." she rasped out. "Sorry, how long was I out for?" Tiny fists come up to rub the back of her eyes.

"Just a couple of minutes. Don't worry about it, you must've needed it," he moved as he spoke. "Here." Her glasses were handed over and she offered him a grateful smile in return as she slipped them back on and glanced around, stretching and cracking her neck in the process.

"I guess... I stayed up late working on my paper. I've been so focused on chemistry lately that I've been putting off everything else."

A nod of understanding is offered from Jackson but there something tenser there now that he had a better of understanding of what was actually going on in his classes. The line between boyfriend and professor had suddenly become that much more complicated, even if she didn't know it. It'd been hard to walk in the first place, and now it was nothing more than a thin tightrope with someone shaking at one of the ends.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Something heavier in the question than what he had intended, eyebrows furrowed together and drawn down toward the bridge of his nose. A few blinks from April followed the inquiry, clearing out some of the exhaustion from her gaze as she gave a slight shake of her head. She sat up a little straighter and pushed down the blanket in the slightest so that it was only covering her legs. She had a lot on her mind, weighing heavily. Her GPA was important, keeping her scholarship was important, making sure that she had a solid foundation for the future... everything was important. Too important. It was a heavy weight to carry.

"Uh, sure," she nodded her head. "The question that I was working on with this week's assignment, I–"

"That's not what I meant." It's a bit unlike Jackson to cut her off so abruptly. Maybe if he'd respected the privacy of her diary, then he would have let her proceed on by normal. But what he had read was bothering him. "I'm your boyfriend. If you want to ask me questions about biology, then we can talk about it at office hours or after class. I don't want to be your professor when we're hanging out."

It's a fair request, and yet April is stunned by the way that he put his foot down. Maybe she'd gotten a little hyperfocused on her own problems presented right in front of her. Gaze dropped awkwardly for a moment, lifting the blanket off of her lap and folding it instead.

"Maybe I should go..." And she's already getting up with the suggestion, attempting to gather up her books. But his hand came down on top of hers to stop her from shuffling around anymore, head dropped down so that he could meet her gaze.

"That's not what I'm saying. I just think it's a good idea if we keep our relationship as a couple, and as student and teacher, as separate as possible. Church and state, you know?"

"Who I am as a student defines who I am as a person, Jackson."

Even though it's far from the truth, that was the only way that April had ever been able to see herself. The good student, top of her class. She'd never been a gifted athlete or musician, average in nearly every other aspect, falling short in her own appearance as far as she was concerned. Her grades were what defined her, the only thing that made her unique was her intelligence. That was the only thing that she had to cling to when it came to her sisters and the kids at school constantly harassing her – that it would be okay because she was smart, that she would have the last laugh. She didn't know how to see herself as a person when she wasn't defining herself by her academic career.

"That's not true, April."

"Yes it is! That's who I am. I'm a good student. That's– that's it. That's all there is to me."

"You are so much more than that, April. So much more. You're crazy smart, yeah, but you're not just a student. You are a brilliantly gifted women. But that's more than just school. You see the world in a brighter light than most people, but you see it for what it is, too. You care so intensely for the people around you and the things that you do. That kind of passion, that's not something that you pick up in school. It's who you are."

There's a shake of her head that follows, chin dropping down to her chest to try and hide the glossy eyes behind her glasses. April wanted there to be truth to the words, wanted to understand what he saw. But she was ingrained from years and years of her own way of thinking.

"April, have you ever considered talking to someone? Professionally?"


	8. Figuring It Out

It's the first time that April had ever skipped class.

Naturally, she felt guilty about it. But when Jackson had brought up the suggestion that she needed some kind of professional help, she'd all but lost it at him. Perhaps the first indicator that his suggestion hadn't come completely out of left field, and yet she felt alienated by it all the same. Not a lot of conversation had occurred afterward with the inquiry that he'd made, quick to pack up her things and get herself the hell out of there even with the way that he'd trailed after her running out. She'd driven herself back to campus with tears in her eyes, sitting in her car for half an hour to calm herself down and try to present herself like someone who hadn't been crying. Julia wasn't the worst roommate in the world, and she knew that the older girl wouldn't ignore the obvious fact that she'd been crying. It wasn't a conversation that she wanted to have.

Yet it's apparent that there was a problem with the way that she laid in bed all day instead of getting herself up and forcing herself to class. She'd had moods like this before, but the guilt and anxiety that came with missing a class had always overruled. But not today.

"Just a stomach bug," April insisted from the warmth and comfort of her bed as she pulled the pink and gray comforter further up her small frame. "I'll be fine tomorrow, I promise. I know you have a date with Tommy. Just go. Text me if you're not coming home tonight." She'd had alone time when her roommate had been out and about on campus for classes and whatnot through the day, but it's all she wanted now.

The sound of the door shutting is a relief. It's not locked, but that was okay. No one was likely to come bouncing around tonight anyways. Julia and Tommy were consistent about their date nights, and she never stopped talking about them. All her friends knew she was gone.

Her phone rang and she ignored the melodic notes that came from the device, squirming slightly beneath the covers as an attempt to get more comfortable. The only light in her room was that which streamed in between the crappy dorm blinds and her salt lamp that her roommate had forgotten to unplug, like always. The semi-darkness is comforting, though. When her phone fell quiet finally, she let out a breath of relief. Until it vibrated, meaning that someone had left a voicemail.

With a dramatic groan, she rolled over, sighing as she saw her boyfriend's name on the screen.

The texts start to come in a few minutes later. The first few she can ignore, eyes shut as she laid on her black and tried to mindlessly exist.

Jackson, on the other hand, was just beginning to have a freak out of his own. He'd driven around the student parking lot closest to her dorm room to make sure that her car was parked there, sighing in relief when he found it. A start, even if she ignored his call. A few more times circling and he lucked out when the car next to her pulled away, unaware that it was her roommate. He pulled into it and shut his car off. The first few texts had been asking where she was and if she wanted to talk. Now the texts asking for her condition had begun.

This was taking a huge risk and he knew it, but by now, all Jackson wanted to know was that April was okay. Thumb scrolled up, knowing that once she'd sent her room number to him. It takes a few minutes before he finds it, finally making up his mind about what to do next.

Getting out of his car and locking it, his keys are shoved in his pocket and the hood of his sweatshirt is pulled over his head. It wasn't a ton to hide his identity, but his head is held down and that's enough. Jackson's timing was lucky enough, a girl just ahead of him scanning into the building so he didn't have to worry about hanging around. Two sets of stairs are climbed and he's roaming down the hallway, looking for the right door. Names are on the door which provided an extra level of security in knowing that he was knocking on the right door. April _and_ Julia. Hopefully the latter wouldn't be there. And hopefully, well, the one that he was coming for would.

Knocking on the door, he doesn't get an answer. April fell quiet on the other side, not aware that it was him, hoping that whoever it was would just go away on their own time. Another knock occurred and all she can do is pull her pillow over her face. Jackson waited as patiently as he could on the other side, but the worry was growing. He took a deep breath before giving a gentle wiggle to the doorknob, surprised to find it unlocked.

"Already opened the diary, can't do more damage..." Jackson reasoned beneath his breath before pushing open the door. The room glowed a dark orange and his eyes quickly adjusted. He doesn't realize that anyone's in the room until the redhead shot up from her bed.

"What are you doing here?"

April's response is defensive as if he'd walked on her in the middle of doing something private when it's anything but. She's still in her pajamas from last night, navy pants with cats over them and a light pink shirt. It clung loosely, enough that she could hope that it wasn't obvious she didn't have a bra on underneath. But that's not where Jackson's looking, not in the slightest.

Fingers find the light switch and the door was shut behind him, brows furrowing. Her room was clean but something about her was off, more than her disheveled appearance. All of the intrusions and suddenly the guilt was now flooding him.

"You didn't come to class today and now you're not answering your phone. Not even a read receipt. I was worried."

"I'm sick. Go away."

Her request isn't complied with. Instead, Jackson paused to step out of his shoes and move closer to her. April rolled away from him and a frown deepened across his expression, but he's gentle in his touch. His hand moved to feel her forehead, barely getting a glance at her face. She looked uncomfortable, but not sick per se. No abnormal flush to her cheeks, her temperature felt normal. Her nose looked fine. It didn't seem like anything that someone would have thrown Advil or Nyquil at.

"I'm sorry I pried, April." Maybe that was the medicine that she needed. "I didn't mean to offend you. It's just– you're my girlfriend. I worry about you because I love you," he explained. The words hadn't been said yet, but now it felt like it was what she needed to hear.

April stilled for a moment at his words, letting her eyes fall shut to keep any tears from falling past. Her bed is small, but she's suddenly moving to do her best to accommodate him. She shifted so she was pressed up against the wall, patting the open spot that she'd created between them. Jackson smiled down at her for a brief moment before he's lowering himself into the space next to her, an arm wrapping around her slender frame so that he could pull her up closer to him.

"Do you really love me?" She questioned.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do." Maybe it was fast, but it fell back to something that his mother had always told him growing up. When you knew, you knew. Sometimes it just wasn't any more complicated than that.

"I love you too," she breathed out. And April really thought she did, it was why she kept talking. "I just get like this sometimes. I'm not good at dealing with my stress and I... I know it. I don't like it when other people point it out because I don't want people to see me like this. I've always just figured it out on my own. I want to be able to figure it out on my own."

The explanation was an honest one, more truth spilling from her lips than what she had ever voiced to anyone about everything going on in her head. In the midst of her shame, she turned so that she was facing away from him, but the limited space only had her pressed right up against him. His arm wrapped around her stomach, nose brushing against the back of her shoulder and neck. April felt warm, secure, even after spilling everything that was on her mind. She felt safe. And that was something that she hadn't felt in too long. She'd always been comfortable around him, but suddenly, it just felt like something so much more real.

"You make me feel good. Even in the midst of all this."

A kiss is pressed into the back of her neck and April let out a content sigh. Somewhat subconsciously, her hips press back into him a little more. Jackson pressed his face further into her, trying to control his own body's reaction. He knows her boundaries.

"Can we do something?"

"Anything."

Her hand moved up to grab his, pulling it lower across her frame. Jackson doesn't resist and suddenly his fingers are beneath the elastic waistband of her pants, brushing over the cotton material that covered her core. Fingers tensed and there's a familiar ache between his legs, do everything to keep himself from getting hard. Easier said than done when he's pressed right up against her like this.

"I want... I want you to make me cum. No penetration. But I just want to know what it's like," April murmured. Her head twisted back to look at him as best that she could from the angle, and she can see that his eyes are dark, just beginning to feel him press into the curve of her rear. Maybe it's impulsive. But she wanted it. In the moment, she damn sure would have sworn that she needed it. "Please," she added.

Jackson would have been willing to wait, but hearing her beg like that, he can't hold himself. Hand slipped all the way inside of her pants, cupping her core. He pressed his fingers in slightly, her underwear pressing into her folds and letting his palm rub over the sensitive nub there. He wanted to do more than this, to make it sweet. Wanted the taste of her on his tongue, her thighs wrapped around his head tightly as he made her cum over and over again. He wanted to kiss every curve and sweet spot in her body, mark her and give her something to remember her by. But for now, he'd settled on what she wanted him to do.

Fingers work over and against her, listening to the sweet sound of her moaning and whimpering. April squirmed back against all of him, ass pressing firmly against his boner and offering friction that had Jackson rubbing right up against her. It's just like being a teenager again, dry humping and searching out that high. But he knows exactly how to give it to her, how to work her just right.

When she cums for the first time, April cried out his name loudly, grinding into his fingers. She's practically panting, one hand tight on his bicep but it's not an attempt to pull him away, just the need to have something to hold onto.

"Wow..."

"Yeah. Just think about what I can do with my mouth." Jackson teased with another kiss pressed just behind her ear, this one a little sweeter even as he let his tongue lightly drag across the shell. Fingers slowly withdraw from beneath her pajama pants and instead settle on her flat stomach, pulling him in against her. He ached for her, but there's no way he's going to ask her to do anything that she's uncomfortable with. Anything that she wanted to do was going to have to be initiated by her, he'd already established that much in his head.

For a few moments, they enjoy laying in the bliss. April's cheeks were finally flushed but she felt good. All day had been spent in a blur and having something was finally better than nothing. She never wanted to move from this position, enjoying his warmth and the safety that having someone so strong and someone who cared for her fiercely holding her. She needed this more than anything. The privacy between the two of them. Even if she'd always thought that something like this would have happened at his house, she needed this. At least Julia was going to be gone for the rest of the night. Thought of her roommate strikes as she realized that she'd never gotten a text about her staying out all night.

"Hey Apes, I'm–"

_Speak of the Devil._

"Oh my god! April? Professor Avery?"


	9. Opened

Fluster didn’t even begin to cover the mood of the room at the interruption of April’s very loud and vocal roommate, the door left wide open behind her. There’s not much to cover, realistically – April was still mostly underneath her bedspread and Jackson was fully dressed himself, even if there’s an obvious outline of his cock from his trousers. Laying against her, it’s hidden. But neither of them stay in the close position they’d been in before, distancing themselves enough that Jackson nearly fell off her bed in the haste to try and look like something slightly more appropriate.

“What the hell? April, I can’t believe you didn’t te–“

“Julia, shut the damn door!”

It’s rare that April raised her voice, let alone swore at another human being, especially one that she was on rather friendly terms with. But her mood all day had been one of which most people never saw from her, and this was just another example of that sliding through the shaking cracks.

“Alright, alright,” Julia complied though her voice had lost none of its amusement. “But who would have guessed? April Kepner, hot for the teacher. I’m so proud of you, babe! You’re growing up on me.”

April had already begun to shimmy past Jackson in order to get out of her bed seeing that he appeared to be frozen in place, fumbling to get her feet back on the floor before too many more comments at her own expense could be made.

Accurately, Jackson was like stone in a panic. The consequences of having a relationship with a student much more weighed on him than her, something that could cost him not only his job but his entire career. There were questions that she too would have to face, whether or not her grade had been earned, but that was something that he was so sure of, in the moment he couldn’t even begin to process the idea that someone would question her about what the two of them had been doing together. A slight grunt escaped him as April used him like furniture to get off the bed, finally spurring movement out of him as he sat up and made sure to keep his arm folded over his lap.

“Julia, we weren’t– we weren’t–“ the stutters fall from her lips in exasperation, hands flying wildly as she tried to find an excuse for why she’d been laying in bed with a professor. Nothing comes to mind immediately as the gravity of the situation began to fall more heavily on her shoulders.

At least they were both dressed.

“Weren’t what? Screwing like bunnies? Well, you should be. He’s a total hottie, April.” Julia was completely shameless as she let her gaze drift over to Dr. Avery herself, a smirk growing across her expression. Even if she was a little wild on the surface, though, she wasn’t completely shallow. She knew what April was like, all about what was below the surface and not reducing people to their appearance. She’d received her fair share of lectures from the redhead about that.

“Do you want me to go so you guys can get it on? Because I totally will.” Her own version of selflessness.

“Oh my–oh my god–“

April couldn’t even begin to process everything that was occurring, beginning to feel as if her chest was constricted. Jackson had learned to become rather empathic with her throughout the course of her relationship and that’s enough to get him to perk up and move properly, for a moment forgetting his own situation that he’d been attempting to hide. Long legs swing off the bed and a hand moved to her arm, giving her a slight tug closer and letting his hand trace up her arm to her shoulder, squeezing it softly.

“Hey, calm down.” A firm instruction is given as he pulled her in, arms slipping around her slender waist. There was no point in trying to hide what was going on between them, not by now. “We weren’t having sex with each other. You’re Julia, right? The roommate?”

“Mmhm,” she hummed. “Nice boner you’ve got there, prof. I’m impressed.”

“Again, we weren’t having sex. You’ve lived together for what, half a year now? You know how April is. I’m not disrespecting her boundaries.” But it’s hard for him to determine if sex was the only thing to really be stressed about because it was the only part of their relationship that they hadn’t embraced as a couple. What’d they just done, well, sure as hell felt hard to count. But he’d gotten his boner killer without the need of a cold shower.

There’s a tense moment between the three of them, sets of eyes moving around from one person to the other in assessment. Tears glittered around the brim of April’s eyes as she tried to bottle in her own freakout. Maybe she’d been comfortable breaking down halfway in front of Jackson, but she knew that she couldn’t do it in front of both of them. One person that she trusted was hard enough, two would have been impossible for her to do without their presences making it even worse.

“But you guys are definitely a thing,” Julia concluded. 

Two deep breaths are taken, student and professor anachronistically in sync. Both of them were smart, even in the midst of the panic coursing through them, reasonings both similar and different. Jackson stood up from the bed slowly, an arm slipping around April’s shoulders and holding her in, trying to ground her before she could freak out more.

“Yeah. We start dating at the beginning of the semester.” Jackson offered the confirmation.

“Julia– Julia, you can not tell anyone about this. Please, you have to stay quiet. Nobody knows. You– you would have been the first person I told! But you know that we can’t tell people about this, we’d both get in so much trouble and I could get kicked out of school if it came out and you just can’t tell anyone about us, okay? You can’t.” April pleaded with her roommate desperately, her arms wrapped tightly around her small frame as the rambles tumbled through her lips. “Please, Julia. I love him.” She couldn’t see another way out of this other than silence, didn’t want to have to end things with Jackson because of something like this. She knew that she loved him and couldn’t let go of him because of something like this.

Jackson fell quiet for a moment though his grip on April inevitably tightened when she confessed that she loved him, breathing deeply though keeping himself silent. Letting the two of them work this out was the best thing, his influence was going to be a different one, more of a power authority situation than giving her roommate a genuine option. Even if part of him didn’t want there to be an option in the first place.

“I’m not going to tell anyone. Relax. Who you screw or, y’know, don’t screw, that’s all your business, babe. I just want to hear the deets when you finally do the do, that’s my only request.” Julia teased, only correcting herself with the wide hazel eyes staring back at her in horror. “I’m gonna go hang out with someone else, give you two a little more alone time.”

The door to the dorm room opened and shut once more, both of them staring blankly at it for what felt like an impossibly long moment. It had ruined any post orgasm bliss that April potentially would have been capable of in the moment, though with the mindset that she had been in, suggesting she would have had one seemed like a stretch. She swallowed thickly before quickly moving across the tiny room to lock the door after Julia, not wanting to repeat such a simple mistake with anyone else coming in.

Fingertips linger on the twisted lock for a moment, terrified to turn back and face him. If blame were to be set... well, it'd be quick and easy for her to throw it on him. He had come in, not locked the door behind her. But she had been the one to hole herself up in her room all day without so much as a food break, her stomach rumbling in audible protest to remind her now that she was up on her feet again. Her head dropped down for a moment, eyes falling shut as her chin rested on the top of her chest. In, out. In, out. Perhaps the only technique that she'd learned, in some stupid required health class in high school about managing health. She'd never understood how breathing was supposed to keep her from freaking out, but after the worst of it, it's not a terrible concept.

"Now what?" April finally questioned.

Jackson had taken a few steps to narrow the distance between them in her time focused on the door, a frown pulling deep across his expression. "Now... we talk about you," he suggested, gaze giving a slight narrow. "The cat's out of the bag. I don't want anyone to find out about us any more than you do, especially not while you're my student. But we can't change what just happened. If you think that Julia will keep the secret, then we leave it at that. We trust her, and... we don't annoy her. We don't give her a reason to tell," he elaborated. 

"We trust, and we don't worry. You have enough on your plate to be worried about, April. I don't want you to be stressed about other things, and I especially don't want you to be worried about our relationship. I know that you don't agree with me on this, but I really think that you would benefit from talking to someone else about everything that's going on. There's no shame in it. I've talked to a therapist before. Most people I know have."

As the speech continued, Jackson had eased her around to face him slightly, not forcing the eye contact even as he craved it. Enough had gotten under her skin this evening that he wasn't going to push his luck any more than what he already had, and he knew that this was a sensitive subject for her. He wasn't sure why April was so against the idea of letting someone else help her, if she had some kind of stereotype already set in her mind or negativity about the matter of therapy... but whatever it was, he was determined to break her past it and see the real benefits that it could have offered her. His hand rose up slightly, brushing disheveled locks of hair back out of her face. Even distressed, she was beautiful behind the glasses, all freckles and big eyes. Yet the beauty doesn't stop the ache of his heart, filled with worry.

"That's not the kind of thing that people in my family do," April murmured softly. Honest words had slipped through her lips and yet she looked more ashamed than ever with the truth out. Her family wasn't something that she talked about frequently, the Kepners old world in too many ways.

"Yeah?" He prompted softly, earning a nod.

"Well, it's the kind of thing that people in my family do," Jackson started. "And one day, I'd like for you to be a part of that family. So you may as well consider getting a head start on it now, I think." The words are genuine, not just another attempt to push her into getting help.

April's gaze finally snapped up when the words left his lips, blinking quickly in an attempt to clear the tears that glistened around her eyelashes and look at him clearly. For a brief moment, she thought that she'd completely imagined what he had said. _A part of his family._ The words replayed in her head and she took a deep breath, the tightness in her ribs back with being overwhelmed but... this time, it wasn't entirely bad. This time, there was a promise of something good. Maybe she couldn't force herself to go past her family values on her own, maybe she didn't love herself enough to... but he did.

And that counted for something.

"Okay. I'll think about."


	10. Socializing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is a genuine warning that this is a heavy chapter to read. It contains trigger warnings for both being drugged and date rape. There's nothing explicit about it, but keep that in mind. If you want to avoid it, then skip through the middle section.

“There are a few things that we know help with depression. Eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, socializing. I know that these are all easier said than done, but they’re good goals to set for yourself. Something tangible to work toward that can start to help the rest of it.”

April recited the statement word from word from what her therapist had told her, standing in front of the mirror. It’s inching closer to spring break and she hadn’t decided if she was going to go home or not, part of her thoroughly entertained by the idea of being able to stay with her boyfriend interrupted for the entire week. Or at the very least, a weekend. With the words her therapist had given her, well, most of it had been through his support. They’d gone on a few runs together, he made sure that they both were eating healthy, and she considered his presence to be more than enough socialization for her. The last detail, however, was a current point of contingency between the two of them.

“You should socialize more than just with me, April. People your own age would be a good start. I’m sure that Julia can piece together something for you.” 

Despite all circumstances, her roommate knowing about her current relationship with her biology professor had actually managed to work out for the best. So much panic had come from it at the beginning, but now it gave her two people supporting her, two people who she didn’t have to be secret and hide around. Two, it turned out, was better than one for her.

April sometimes disagreed, mostly feeling like she was being teamed up against whenever she happened to disagree But most of the time, she managed to rationalize herself once more, remind herself that they were just both looking out for her.

“She was talking about going to some party this weekend, actually.” She commented.

“Yeah? You could go with her. I can be a designated driver if you want.” Jackson responded, knowing she wouldn’t need it.

The words result in a snort leaving April’s lips, shaking her head and leaning over to kiss him. They’d met in his office today, door locked for their own privacy. “I’m the designated driver,” she reminded him. “I’ll go, I’ll socialize, I’ll make sure she’s safe. At least I’ll be able to say I got the college frat party experience at some point here, not that I really wanted it…” But maybe it wouldn’t be completely terrible.

“I guarantee, you’ll come back from it hating the both of us,” Jackson quipped easily, a light laugh falling from his lips. His head dipped down to steal another kiss from her soft lips, lingering there for a moment. A thumb stroked across the edge of her cheekbone gently, admiring the structure of her features.

If April could, she would have stayed in that position all day. Her entire life, she’d grown up knowing that she was the ugly sister. All of her sisters had teased her about her hair and freckles, the glasses, the old woman wardrobe. Some of it had been adjusted, some of it still stayed. But the way that he looked at her, with so much love and adoration clear in those beautiful green eyes, it’s almost as if it erased all of the damage that they had done her self-esteem. It’s a temporary, free-floating feeling, only in the moment. Which was exactly what made it so damn addictive to stay in the moment.

“I need to go to chem lab or I’m going to be late,” she finally sighed with the disruption. “I’ll text you later tonight, though. Bye. Love you.” Words are thrown out quickly between the two of them as if the casual, beloved goodbye had already been exchanged a hundred times like old lovers.

“See you tomorrow.”

_____________________

The party was a nightmare.

Alcohol reeked through the air upon the first entrance, crude comments joking about how they were definitely twenty-one being made. Julia seemed entirely comfortable with the situation and April was nearly attached to her hip, all effort put in to not lose her through the crowd as the girl hopped from crowd to crowd to socialize. She didn’t bother with much past introducing herself, trying to keep her head low and just listen in. That was close enough, in her book.

Somewhere amongst the midst of the chaos, though, Julia ended up disappearing after snagging onto some boy. Normally, April didn’t bother with judging her for that kind of thing – it turns out her interruption had come from a break up with her boyfriend. Except in this particular moment, she couldn’t help the nasty feeling in her stomach that resulted from being left alone.

“Hey, you look lonely.”

A hand on her shoulder was accompanied with the words and April tensed for a brief moment as she turned halfway to see who had approached her. She didn’t recognize him but figured that he was probably just another one of the frat brothers, forcing an awkward smile of greeting. “I’m not, but thanks,” she offered.

“Here,” he was shoving a drink in her hand before she could respond. “I’m August.”

“April,” she replied.

Laughter was his response to the quirk of their names both being months. April didn’t have much to say on the matter even if it was an interesting coincidence, instead only bringing the plastic cup up to her lips to have an excuse for a few moments to not speak. It’s some kind of punch, but it doesn’t taste alcoholic. Just like cheap, store brand punch.

Despite all of her efforts to avoid the conversation, though, small talk resumed between the two of them. More forced smiles were offered and sips of the drink taken, using it as a crutch.

“I uh, I’m a freshman, actually…” her words trail off awkwardly in conversation as a heaviness began to take over her head, sudden wave of exhaustion running through her body. April blinked a few times, sucking in a deep breath in a feeble attempt to try and shake off the feeling. But it only took a few seconds for the feeling inside of her to get worse. “I–I’m sorry, I need to…” an attempt to get to the bathroom, but the only step that she took resulted in her knees going out.

Her vision had begun to go in and out, but she knew that August had grabbed onto her shrinking frame and began to drag her off in another direction. Head spiraled with whatever control she could muster, trying to find Julia in the crowd but all of the people nearly looked the same. A few mumbled syllables come out but even she wasn’t sure what she was trying to say. There’s no choice in the matter as she gets practically carried up the stairs and taken back into one of the bedrooms of the frat house, blacking out before she even laid down.

When she comes to, her head ached even worse than before.

But she was alone in the room, nearly pitch black around her. Limbs ached and her first instinct was to question where Julia was. It wasn’t until she began moving that she realized that her roommate was not the person to be worried about in the moment. She was naked. Cold and naked. Heaving of her chest naturally started as she tried to remember what had happened, unable to produce anything after the small talk she’d been making. Fat tears formed beneath her eyes but her ability to think and the process was meager. Instead, she began to get up, finding her clothes with relative ease. Her hands shook as she pulled them back on, finding her phone underneath the bed.

Multiple texts and missed calls from Jackson. Two from Julia, one consisting solely of question marks.

Clutching tightly onto her phone, she used the screen as a flashlight to find her way back out of the house. It was late enough that the party had died down, looking like a disaster zone between empty cups and bottles scattered. No one milling about bothered so much as to look her way, for much of her relief. When she made it outside of the house, all that she can manage to do is text Jackson her location. There’s no energy left inside of her to make a phone call.

_____________________

“I can’t talk about it. Even if I could remember. I can’t.”

Socializing was supposed to be a good thing for her. Jackson had insisted on it so harshly and now guilt coursed through his system, blaming himself for what had happened. She was so smart, so careful. But he had never anticipated hearing the words that she’d been drugged. That she had been raped.

Rage coursed through him, hands so tight around the wheel of his car that his knuckles turned white. Jackson doesn’t take her back to the apartment, instead, the two of them find themselves parked outside of the nearest hospital.

“Just do the kit. I won’t push you to report it, but please, do this.” Jackson begged her.

April knew that resisting would have been stupid. There were a hundred things that could still happen afterward, a hundred more ways for this night to ruin her future. She doesn’t want to happen. She doesn’t want this to be a stain on her life or her memory, she wanted to forget it. Pregnancy or STDs or anything of the sort would only mark her future by him even further, and that was something that she couldn’t do. She nodded her head and clutched to his hand painfully tight as they walk into the emergency room. Low priority, judging by the speed of the doctors, but they get a room away from everyone else. That felt like enough.

Jackson’s hand never left hers throughout the procedures, April refusing when the medical professionals suggest that this might be better done alone. Nurses barely gain her gaze. Instead, all she can stare at is their hands together. She can barely speak, but when she’s asked about her previous sexual history, she starts sobbing.

“I was a virgin.” The statement gets repeated over and over again until the syllables string together incoherently. Jackson pulled her into him, arms wrapping around her with fierce comfort and allowing his chin to rest on top of her head. She didn’t revolt at the touch, but instead leaned into it like it was the only thing in the world that had the possibility of keeping her sane. At the moment, truthfully, it was. But even that, she knew, would not last.

Going back to his house ached.

A long shower all but burned off her skin, steaming up the entirety of his bathroom with the length of time that was spent there. He’d bought toiletries for her a bit ago, and they were finally coming in hand. Her hair is washed twice, conditioned once. But it was her body that she spent time washing, again and again, turning her skin red with the force of rubbing and even scratching. An effort is made to shave everything, getting close enough to the skin that it leaves a few burns. Rinsing away all of the suds, she stayed in there longer, allowing her skin to prune.

Jackson, all the while, paced the length of his bedroom. He’d gone through his closet and pulled out an old shirt and sweatpants for her to change into, knowing that it wasn’t going to fit properly but wanting her to have something clean to wear. He wanted to help, needed to do something to make it better, but this was something that he didn’t know how to fix. Especially not when he was taking that blame for himself. There were other opportunities that he could have suggested, he should have known better. Just because he hadn’t been a professor for very long didn’t mean that he didn’t know what the college experience was like. And he knew the damn statistics. He should have been able to stop this. The sound of his shower turning off doesn’t ease any of his anguish, only spiking it.

Two towels are wrapped around her, one covering her body and the other twisted on top of her head. She’s slow to dry herself off and found the clothes sitting on the bathroom counter waiting for her, smiling softly. But the smile only lasted a second before the tears had started up again. April finally had someone good in her life. Someone worth waiting and walking down an aisle for. And now it wouldn’t matter. 

The sobs are ferocious as they began to tear through her chest, hands gripping onto the countertop and bending over in her agony. No control could be offered and there was nothing beautiful about her grief, only heart wrenching pain. A few moments pass before she’s moving to hunch over the toilet and emptying out what little remained in her stomach, bile burning the back of her throat as it came up. She cleaned up after herself obsessively and flushed the toilet, but she doesn’t get up off of her knees from the tile.

Only so much of it could be heard from outside of the bathroom, but the flush of the toilet confirmed Jackson’s suspicions. He didn’t want to interrupt her time in there, wanted to respect and give her the privacy that he needed. But his concern was beginning to outweigh his better judgment, taking a few hesitant steps toward the bathroom door. His hand rested on the handle for a few seconds, taking a deep breath before deciding against it.

“April?” He called out quietly.

“I’ll be out in a minute.” Her voice cracked as she responded, crawling over so that she could pull the clothes off of the counter. The neck of the shirt gets stretched over the towel on top of her head, letting the used towel get discarded on the floor and sliding on the sweatpants. No amount of tightening the drawstring would make them fit properly, but they were soft and comfortable enough for a night. Slowly, she emerged from the bathroom, exhaustion weighing down each movement.

Mouth ran dry, both of them eyeing each other unsteadily for a moment. Words aren’t right for either of them to properly convey emotion, and all April had the energy to do was take a few more steps before collapsing into his bed. Jackson worked around her to get her underneath the covers snuggly, unwrapping her hair from the towel and letting it sprawl across his pillows. He doesn’t lay down with her immediately, tossing the towel in the laundry bin first before he kneeled down next to the bed in front of her, taking one of her hands carefully between both of his.

“April, you still are.”

“Huh?”

“You still are a virgin. He didn’t take that from you. That’s not something that can be taken. You get to make that choice, and he didn’t give you one. What he did to you doesn’t change who you are.”

April fell quiet after his words, unsure of what to say. She’s had the conversations about consent that were mandated at the beginning of the school year, gotten all of the proper education. But it was much easier to say than to feel genuinely. She offered him a weak nod of her head, giving one of his hands a squeeze. There’s not enough energy left inside of her to disagree. It’s close to the time that she should have been waking up, but it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t know how to face the day when she woke up again, part of her wondering if she ever would. But none of that is something that she could say to him, not now. Not yet.

Hands are released for a few quiet shuffles around the room to pull the curtains shut tightly and turn off the lights, wanting it to be as dark as possible so that she could get some genuine rest. Jackson moved into the bed, slowly getting into it behind her. She was curled into a ball facing away from him, and he’s hesitant to curl up behind her. Most women wouldn’t want to be touched after something like this, he assumed. He’d never had to deal with something like this personally, but it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make.

“Hold me,” she pleaded quietly. The distance between them only made her feel lonelier, more disgusting, like she had become something untouchable for him. But compliance is met wordlessly as Jackson slipped up behind her, one arm wrapping around her frame to take one her hands.

It wasn’t easy to sleep. All she wanted to do was clear her head and that was the last thing that she could do, yet the exhaustion in her bones offered her one relief. The sleep that April finally fell into was a dreamless one, time passing with an indistinguishable lull in her occasional moments of fitfulness that led to her waking up the middle of the night. But Jackson stayed with her throughout it, needing then to hold her just as much as she needed to be held. As much trouble as there was, as many questions and discussions needed to be brought up… this would work for a few hours.

She hoped.


	11. Break

April stayed on campus for spring break.

After the assault, she was too scared to go home and confront her family. There was no way that she would have been able to hide something so huge from any of her sisters or her parents, and she wasn’t ready to open up to anyone about what happened. Jackson was the only one who knew besides the hospital workers who’d attended to her that night. Julia had probably pieced it together on her own accord with the way that she’d disappeared and how she’d been behaving since, but her roommate hadn’t confronted her about it yet. One day, she’d have to talk about it. But she wasn’t ready yet.

All of her classes are a struggle to get to, but she doesn’t go to the dean and try to get her absences excused. That would require talking about it. Biology isn’t so bad because she knows that’s one environment that she’s safe, as long as Jackson is there. He trailed her to her class after and that helped, but she doesn’t feel safe on campus anymore. Mostly, she’s terrified to see him again.

But it’s also why spring break is the best thing to happen to her. She doesn’t have to go home and she doesn’t have to stay on campus. Instead, two bags are packed full of clothes and other things she might need, and she stays with Jackson for the duration of the week.

The first half of the week is quiet. Jackson accompanied her to church on Sunday even though it’s nothing he believed in, because he’s half terrified to leave her alone and otherwise completely willing to do whatever she wanted. Brunch went through without a hitch, but the rest of the day, she doesn’t do anything. She read through half of a book as far as he was aware, but she only got off the couch again for dinner. He doesn’t want to push her. All he wanted was to see her smile again.

Monday isn’t quite as bad. They spend most of the day in bed, but it’s spent watching The Office on Netflix. Normally, the shows that they chose to binge through are much more thoughtful and complex than a comedy show. But he doesn’t want anything too heavy on her mind, and really, neither does she.

April could feel okay when she’s lounging around and doing nothing, not having to think too much and having a distraction from allowing her to get too deep into her mind. His arms feel like a safe house, like he could defend her from the rest of the world. And he would, she knew that, rationally. She’d never seen him so angry as she had that night. She knew now that this was serious, that it was more than just some lighthearted relationship to keep them both of them appeased and from feeling lonely. It was something real on both ends. That was the kind of confirmation that she needed more than anything. 

Tuesday followed the same suit as Monday, but they venture out of the house at lunchtime to get lunch. Jackson can pick up on the way that she’s a little more alert about her surroundings, notes that she opted not to get so much as a water cup to drink. He knew that she loved one of the teas at Corner Bakery. It tells him something he’d already suspected.

Progress comes on Wednesday.

“I’m going to report it.” April decided. The announcement comes over chocolate chip and banana pancakes, a group effort between the two of them. Even if there hadn’t been a lot of conversation between the two of them, they still move back and forth with each other like an old married couple.

“You are? You’ve made up your mind?” There’s hope in Jackson’s voice.

“Yeah. I… I want justice. God will get him one day. But I want to see something before then.”

There were flaws with the system in place on campus and it’s something that they both were well aware of, and yet, Jackson finds himself feeling hopeful with the conclusion that she’s come to from the midst of this. A hand reached across the table to hold one of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way,” Jackson promised her.

April already knew that and yet the confirmation is appreciated nonetheless. Coming forward would change everything, and while she knew it might not work out in her favor, she felt like it was something that she was obligated to do. Something that God would have wanted her to do. Praying on it had helped draw her to this conclusion, not to protect herself, but to protect the other women on campus. Maybe she couldn’t help what had already happened, but there was always potential for change in the future. That was an idea that she needed to cling to if she was going to get through all of this. And she knew that she needed to get through it. This was only her first year of school. She couldn’t afford setbacks or falling behind. She had to keep pushing forward, no matter the blowback.

Research is done on both ends to know what they could and couldn’t do, the best ways to prepare for what was to come. It took up the rest of the day on Wednesday and most of Thursday. By the weekend, both of them are in desperate need of a break from it. Jackson’s thinking of it was selfish, never having to live with it in the same way.

A phone call to a hotline is made on Friday night. The research on how to move forward had proven a little too much with how deep April had gotten into it, and she needs something more than Jackson this time. The woman on the phone is a stranger, but someone who understands. She spends a long time on the phone, tears falling freely down her face, not having to worry about crying in front a stranger. For the duration of the phone call, April lets Jackson sit with her. It’s a way of telling him what happened without having to go through all of it, again and again, letting him sit in. He rubs her back slowly and rhythmically throughout the conversation, his way of offering help in whatever way that he could.

She takes a long bath after the phone call, and Jackson gives her all the time and privacy that she needed. He just wanted to give her what she needed, and he knew that privacy was ultimately going to be a part of that. Her needs would come before his own wants, every time, and especially now.

Warm water served as a cocoon for as long as she was succumbed inside of it. She’s been obsessed with cleanliness since it had happened, her way of coping with it. Hair is washed and washed again, body scrubbed over. She had exfoliated her skin so many times that she’s sure any layers of skin that he had touched were shed off. It made her feel better about herself. People said science was cruel, and yet, April was the one who found all of the comfort in the world in it. Any part of her that he had touched would be shed away. She liked knowing that. She liked it a lot.

His towels were much softer than her own, and wrapped up inside of one after a long bath brought her back to her childhood. April had loved baths as a young child. It was something that she had never grown out of. Small things helped.

But April had taken very seriously every word that the woman on the hotline had said, about recovering and moving forward. She felt grounded, and that was apparently important. She’d hit some of the most important steps: it wasn’t her fault. She’d been drugged, and it wasn’t her fault. Words had been repeated so many times that she had been able to take them to heart. She’d reached out to someone she trusted: Jackson. Breathing exercises had already been established with her therapist before this had happened, and the need for them had resurfaced. But she knew to sit straight, feet on the floor, then to take a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, and release.

The part sticking with her, however, was reconnecting with her body.

To start, she never had been very connected to her body. Not necessarily in a negative way, but April had never had a need to before. She was healthy. Insecurities were there, but that was normal. The new ones weren’t. 

Some things wouldn’t have to be worried about. Drugs and alcohol weren’t her style and never would be. This had confirmed that, if anything. Why would she wanted to get involved willingly with what had put her in that situation? But the other things that she’d been told were hitting close to home. She did feel disconnected from her body. From her entire being, really. The suggestion on the phone had been massage therapy, which was the last thing that she’d expected. But apparently, there was a need to get accustomed to touch and the positivity that it could bring. The idea had hit her out of the blue, but she wanted to go through it. If Jackson would.

Jackson was laid out on top of his bed, a book in hand when she emerged from the bathroom. The white towel was still wrapped snuggly around her frame, bare feet moving across the carpet closer to him. He was flipping through her Bible. She knew that he didn't believe with near the same intensity that she did, if at all. Yet it felt good. It felt like he was trying to give it another effort, just for her.

"Are you tired?" April questioned, watching him straighten up and place the book down.

"Not yet," he answered, gaze shifting up to her. "Are you all pruney? You were in there awhile," he commented.

A huff of laughter escaped her nose, barely offering him a smile. Her fingers and toes were certainly pruned up from sitting in the water so long like they had been most of the week. But she didn't mind. April sat down on the edge of the bed by his knees, taking a deep breath.

"I know you couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, but... I was in there thinking about what the other woman on the phone said. She talked about how I needed to reconnect with my body in a positive way. Learn to accept touch and my body. I was just thinking about how to do that. And... I think I might've found a solution for it. But I'm not sure how you're going to react to it," April started.

"We can do whatever you want, April. You know that. What's on your mind?" Jackson replied.

"I want to have sex with you." She declared.

Even though her previous words had been a sufficient warning that she was going to have an apparently outlandish idea, Jackson still found himself frozen at the suggestion that she made. His tongue ran over his bottom lip for a moment before it was pulled between his teeth, sucking in a deep breath. Though she'd given a preamble, there was no apparent hesitation in her words. If she'd really been thinking about it the entire time that she was in the tub, then she must have given it a lot of thought from the time that she'd been in there. He had meant it when he said that he would do whatever she wanted, though. He just hadn't expected it to be this.

"What about waiting until you're married?" Jackson finally countered, brows forming a furrow.

"I thought about that. I know everything that the Bible says about sexual immorality. But the Bible is more a set of guidelines than a word for word interpretation. I'm with you, and I love you. You're the only person that I want to do this with. And I don't... I don't find that immoral. I think this will help me. If you can love my body, then I can learn to love it again, too. I want you to make love to me."

It was more thought out than anything Jackson would have been able to develop from his brief skimmings of her holy book, certainly. He'd always taken the Bible as a more literal interpretation which perhaps was why he so vehemently disagreed with it. But the way that she was wording it was... oddly thoughtful.

"If you're sure about it," Jackson decided, shifting and sitting up straighter.

April gave a nod of her head and a small smile, fingers coming up to the top of the towel to undo the knot that she'd done. It falls away from her slender frame, raising up so that she could brush it off onto the floor completely. Jackson's eyes didn't move from her in the slightest as she revealed herself to him, pupils growing fat with lust. He'd never seen her naked, only gotten occasionally glances of her stomach and back here and there. But she was just as beautiful as he'd imagined her to be in all of the fantasies. Moreso, even. He hadn't done her justice.

Their lips meet in a sweet kiss, but it can only stay chaste for so long. Jackson does his best to be slow with her, a hand running up the curve of her waist and cupping her breast. His thumb brushed across the hardening rosebud, bringing it to raise from her skin completely.

Transitioning from sitting to laying is slow, not wanting to overwhelm her. He's gentle to get her back to the mattress, pausing for a moment to pull off his own shirt so she's not the only one somewhat exposed. Giving her a little room to breathe, his mouth moved to the skin of her neck, kissing and sucking it gently, not wanting to leave any marks. But the attention given to her neck only lasted for so long before her breasts have his attention. Pink tongue swirled around the nubs until she's squirming and gasping, soaking between her thighs.

"Jackson, please–" Hearing her beg for him sends a jolt of electricity straight to his cock, already straining against his jeans. He's made her cum once before and he has to wonder if it's the only time that she's ever cum before. If it was, that was soon to change.

Giving it to her desires, his hands press open her thighs and face moved between her thighs. A stripe is licked upwards and April moaned out at the contact, hips giving a squirm. His mouth and tongue moved against her folds expertly, leaving nothing untouched and everything desired, sliding around so magnificently that there were tears in her eyes with the growing orgasm. April whined and keened her hips, trying to grind against his face, writhing against him. But it's not until his thumb touches her clit with the lightest rub that she's crying out his name loudly, hands moving to the back of his head and holding him there with desperation for her own release. When she finally reached her peak, she screamed out for him, back arching up off the bed until she collapsed back against it.

A few more lazy licks are given along the length of her pussy before Jackson placed a warm, open-mouthed kiss on the inside of her thigh. This time, he sucked just hard enough to leave a mark that would still be there in the morning.

"You taste amazing, April," he murmured while sliding up her body and kissing her hard. "Do you want to keep going?"

"Please," she groaned. As spent as she was, she wanted more. She wanted all of him, needed all of him.

Jackson doesn't hesitate to reach over to the nightstand and grab one of the condoms from the drawer. Getting rid of his jeans and boxers is quick worth, tossing them off to the side and rolling the condom onto his length.

"Just tell me if you want me to stop at any time," he conditioned.

"I will."

Promise taken at its value, Jackson slowly lined himself up with her entrance. His tip dragged across her folds, gathering some of the wetness before he gave a gentle stroke of his hips forward to push inside of her. She's tight and warm, even the smallest bit feeling amazing. April opened her legs to accommodate him further, a breathy moan parting through her lips.

“Are you okay?” he breathed out, his muscles shaking as he forced himself to remain still while she grew accustomed to this new intrusion. She shifted slightly, face twisted in thought.

"Yeah," April answered as a hand reached up to his face, stroking his cheek. All the confirmation necessary needed, he began to move inside of her slowly, unable to hold back his own groans at how amazing she felt. The sensation was nearly dizzying as her walls clenched around his cock, pumping in and out of her and beginning to pick up the pace some.

It was a long time since Jackson had been with anyone and as long as he'd been thinking about this, the reality tops anything that he'd ever been able to come up with. She's never done this with anyone and yet she's the best that he had ever had at the same time. It had everything to do with the feelings that he'd developed for her, never really having loved anyone in the same way that he loved her. His hips keep moving, seeking out his own release. But he wasn't going to leave her high and dry, certainly not with just one orgasm. Women could handle more – she deserved more.

His thumb moved back to her clit to begin to rub tight circles across the sensitive nub, and the sensation sends April writhing beneath him, her walls clenching around him even better than they had before.

"You're amazing," he praised her as his head dropped down to the curve of her neck. "And so, so beautiful. I want you to cum for me, baby girl."

She would have never guessed that such a simple nickname was enough to make her weak and yet hot with desire, but the words leaving his mouth have the exact effect on her. More moans pass through her lips, hips bucking up against him to meet his every thrust. April was close again, she could feel another orgasm building in the pit of her stomach. She just needed a little more.

"Don't stop, please don't stop," April begged him.

And he doesn't. His hips pick up the pace slightly, thumb moving faster against her clit to help bring her over the edge. The words don't stop leaving his lips either, praising her existence and her body like there was nothing on this earth that would have ever compared to her.

When April finished, the way that her walls spasm and squeeze around her is more than enough for Jackson to be pulled over the edge. Two more quick thrusts of his hips are given before he finished with a loud grunt, falling still inside of her for a few seconds, the both of them panting an attempt to catch their breath once again.

Eventually, movement is necessary, pulling out his softening cock and tossing the used condom into the trashcan on the other side of the nightstand. Lips move to her neck again, leaving a few gentle kisses sprinkled across the skin there.

"That was good," April murmured, too exhausted to move.

"Yeah?" He questioned.

"Yeah."


	12. Confrontation

When spring break rolled to an end, the first thing that April did after classes talked to her school’s Title IX advocate.

But she comes back to her dorm that night feeling less confident.

The statistics scare her. Normally, the facts of something were what makes her more confident and able to feel good about things – she could disprove so many of her fears using facts. But this is one of the exceptions, one f the things that only leaves her petrified. Chances of it going in her favor were next to minimal, and it almost seemed as if she would be more scarred coming out of it than going in.

With it, surprisingly, comes the urge to blame herself. She’d been at a frat party. There had been alcohol all around and even though the drink in her cup had tasted like a normal punch, it could have been laced with alcohol just as easily as it had been with Rohypnol. She should have gotten her own drink. She shouldn’t have been so stupid. Thoughts come pouring in through her head over and over again, loud, screaming the blame at her until she’s in the bathroom sobbing so hard that she couldn’t breathe. April couldn’t calm down no matter what she did, and she hated herself even more for it: it’s a communal bathroom, there’s the possibility of anyone walking in at any moment.

A girl did eventually come in to hear the sounds of her sobbing. Arizona Robbins, one of the RAs on the floor. Technically – she hadn’t been the first, though April hadn’t noticed either. Another girl had heard her and reported it to her, leading the blonde to investigate the situation for herself.

“Are you alright in there?” The voice was soft as it called out.

April couldn’t bring herself to respond immediately, face buried inside of her hands and shaking as she sat on top of the toilet. She gave a slight rock back and forth although her feet remained planted firmly on the ground, choking as she tried to hold back sobs from escaping. It seemed pointless to try and speak because any answer that she gave would have been an obvious lie. She just wanted to be left alone, but she vaguely recognized the voice. It didn’t seem likely that her current wish would be granted.

Too many moments had passed of sobs being the only answer. Unsteadily, she reached forward to unlatch the lock on the bathroom stall and let it swing open to reveal her sobbing form instead of saying anything.

Invitation accepted, Arizona stepped forward, squatting down so that she was closer to the younger girl’s eye level and placing a gentle hand on her knee. “Hey, whatever’s going on, it’s going to be alright. You don’t need to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry about it. You’ve got a friend right here, no judgment attached.” Her voice was firm and confident with the words that escaped, though her brow remained drawn together, furrowed with concern for the redhead.

Words still don’t come out. Making friends was always something that April had struggled without the entirety of her life, always nervous and babbling, the damage that her sisters had gone to her ego not helping. She’d never been considered attractive, as far as she was concerned, even if she’d grown into her own skin over time and aged well. But a hand is dropped from her face, set on top of the other.

It’s a while before she can really get herself going, but eventually, the pair of suddenly connected women manage to exit from the community bathroom and make it just down the hallway into Arizona’s dorm room. A private one, perks of being the floor’s RA.

“I–I’m sorry,” April eventually sobbed out as she was seated on the other girl’s bed. “It’s just been a really long few weeks and it all just… I guess I… hit my limit or something.” Not her first breakdown, but she doesn’t want to disclose that.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize for that. I’m pretty sure that there’s not a single person on this floor that I haven’t caught hid away crying somewhere, actually. You’re just one of the last ones I caught.” 

Arizona’s words are light as they leave her tongue, offering the redhead a smile as she sat down next to her and wrapped her arm around her, giving her a hug from the side.

The visit that she’d had with the Title IX coordinator hadn’t been discussed with anyone, not even Jackson. She’d wanted to call him when she’d gotten back to her dorm but had become so overwhelmed with everything that she hadn’t been able to keep herself from breaking down for long enough. Julia hadn’t been an option yet – off somewhere else, she wasn’t sure where, but she wasn’t sure that she would have been her first pick, anyway. April had someone here with her, now, and suddenly it seemed like a good option. She’s not sure if this fell into the category of what all RAs were supposed to be here for, but the bubbly blonde had seemed friendly enough at the beginning of the year. She needed to get all of it off her chest to someone without bias.

“Do you mind if I tell you something that’s… personal and kind of heavy?”

“Not at all. Say whatever you need to say.”

Without any further prompting, April spilled out everything. That she’d been struggling with anxiety and occasional depressive episodes for years, that she’d tried therapy and it had led to the incident at the frat party (not entirely causal, but it felt like a healthier place of blame than herself), all of the ways that she’d been trying to cope, slipping out that she’d had consensual sex for the first time in her life though not with whom, and today’s meeting.

The air between them is heavy for a few long moments as Arizona processed everything that she was being told, searching for the right words to say. She knew about the problems with sexual assault on campus, she was well educated in the area and as a senior in the college, it wasn’t the first time that she had heard a story like April’s. It wasn’t even the first time that she’d heard it on this particular floor.

“You get to choose where your future goes. You and no one else. Whether or not you go through with reporting it… that’s your decision. Don’t feel like it’s the only right one that you can make because it’s not. Whatever you make is the right decision.”

Even though Arizona hardly knew April before today, the words were exactly what the redhead needed to hear. Not to be pressured into either direction, to only be supported. Jackson had offered her support as best as he possibly could, but something about having the same kind of genuine support from someone who barely knew her and what she’d been through, someone who wasn’t obligated to be there for her… it felt real. Authentic. It made the heaviness inside of her heart just a little bit easier to deal with for a few minutes.

“Thank you,” April whispered out, hand coming up to her eyes to wipe away her tears.

“Of course. My door’s always open. You can stay as long as you need to. I know Julia’s a little more of a wild child than you are, so if you ever need someone a little more level-headed… I’m your girl. Just come knocking, I’m almost always around.” Arizona said.

That night, April slept much easier than expected given that it’d been her first night sleeping alone since coming back with spring break. She’d gotten somewhat adjusted to the safeness of having Jackson curled around her in bed, the weight of his strong arm draped over her frame feeling like a security net, the warmth of his body better than any blanket. But she found herself some comfort of a spiritual kind in the venting session that she’d had with Arizona, making it a little easier to go about the rest of her normal routine. Tuesday morning, she was able to get up and get ready for class without too much trouble. The day flew by as if it was a normal one, nearly.

It turned out that Wednesday would be the breaking point. She was walking from biology to chemistry, a leisure pace given that Jackson’s lecture had ended a few minutes earlier than usual today. But as she made her way from one building to the other, she nearly came ran face first into him.

“Hey, April.” August greeted in a nonchalant manner.

April froze on the spot, eyes wide with panic and dropping the textbooks in her arms, empty limbs quivering with the sudden lack of weight. They hit her bare toes yet she doesn’t even feel the pain of them crushing her sandals, shock hitting her system hard and leaving her numb as she stood before him.

Jackson had been following her from class – a habit that he’d picked up since the accident had happened in the first place. He doesn’t recognize the male that’s standing in front of her, no one that he’d had in one of his classes before. But what he does recognize is the panic that takes over April so clearly. Normally, he kept his distance to appear casual, but quick strides are taken to catch up with his girlfriend and stand behind her. He had to hold back the urge to place his hand on her lower back, instead, asking an objective of a question as possible.

“You alright? Those books are pretty heavy.” He asked.

April, on the other hand, was too stunned to lack clarity. “I–it’s him.” An accusing finger jabbed the air.

There's no need for clarification from the terror that struck across her face. He'd gotten a name before, August, but now he finally has a face to put with it. Rage flooded through his system and he was seeing red for a moment as he glared at the other man, barely shorter than himself though easily towering over April's small frame. And he acts without thinking. He lunged forward, grabbing the younger male by his collar and swinging his fist so that it collided with his jaw at full force. The two of them tumble to the ground and he punches and keeps punching until there was interference from some of the other people who had been passing by, pulling the two of them apart from each other. Both of them had blood on their face, a little staining Jackson's collared shirt.

Violence had only caused April to remain further frozen on the spot, all thoughts of going to class eradicated as she watched the fight occur between the two of them. It's impulsive. She had never seen him do something so reckless or thoughtless before, never seen him act without thinking, really. But she'd never expected this from him. Normally she abhorred fighting as the answer, but she's only half horrified at his actions. Mostly just stunned.

"What did you do?" April finally whispered when she managed to move over toward him, gaze moving across his face for fresh bruising, trying to figure out if the blood was his. It didn't seem to be, for the most part, just a little bit trickling out from his nose from where August had gotten a punch.

"That's harassment, April! That guy raped you and now he's coming up to you on campus like it's no big deal? Like what he did was okay?" His voice was raised as if he had forgotten that the two of them didn't have in privacy in the moment, hand waving out wildly at the male. "That's fucked up and he deserved that and so much more. He doesn't deserve to have a place on this campus to even begin with, let alone to walk around, feeling safe and confident after what he did to you. You deserve better than that."

Onlookers had lingered after the incident, no doubt waiting for the campus police to show up. But his yelling had only garnered more attention and April's cheeks turned an angry shade of red as he spilled the details of what had happened to her in front of everyone. She can't even begin to respond.

Somehow, it's a miracle when the police finally do turn up.

"Dr. Avery, what happened here?" People naturally began to scatter with the police back, running off to their classes and no doubt to gossip about the scene that had just occurred. April could feel the tightness in her chest coming back and she tried to fight it off while she was in public, but her ears were carefully attuned to everything that was being said around her. August claiming that he had come after him with no reason, Jackson explaining to the police that April had told him about what happened to her and he'd thought that August was going to try something again. The reasoning is solid, even if the actions were over the top. For a moment, she had to wonder how he was going to get away with this without their relationship coming out to the public. Normal professors didn't jump to their student's defenses like that. Hell, most of them didn't know the details of what happened in their student's personal lives. He was certainly the only one of hers who ever had.

"Is it true?" One of the officers finally asked April.

"Yes." She answered in a shaky whisper.

"Did you report the rape?"

"No," she replied. "I–I was thinking about it, I talked to the Title IX coordinator about it today and I just... hadn't decided because I'm worried that nothing but more trouble was going to come from it. And it hasn't even happened and more trouble is already coming, I just– I don't know what I'm going to do yet. But I... I had a breakdown in office hours one day. That's why Dr. Avery knows about it." She explained, mostly truth escaping, but the quick lie to try and protect his career is thrown in for good measure.

Both of them walk away feeling lucky that their relationship hadn't been exposed and there was no pressing of charges. She wasn't sure if that meant there was somehow some good inside of August despite him doing something so unbelievably fucked up to her, doubt mostly because she didn't want to believe that there was more to him. Whatever it was, she's glad.

And really, she felt a little bit like justice had been served. There's no doubt in her mind that he felt humiliated to have been beaten up by a professor on campus, a professor who had gotten away with it. It ruined his perspective that he had gotten away with it, he hoped. But the humiliation meant something to her. It almost felt like they were even now, especially with the knowledge that the justice system more than likely was going to let him come out on top of the situation. And she knew that after an event like that, there was no way that he was going to come near her again.

They make it to Friday without seeing each other again, both of them a little unsure about how to move forward after that.

But it doesn't stop April from coming over to his house unannounced that night, being welcomed inside as if nothing weird had gone down. He'd already ordered pizza for himself and she doesn't mind, knowing at least a slice or two would be stolen for herself no matter what he'd gotten. This time, he knows better than to offer her a glass of wine. Instead, cherry soda. Jackson knew that it was her guilty pleasure.

"Thank you," April finally announced as she picked apart a piece of crust.

"For what?" Jackson mumbled through a mouth full of pizza, hand coming up to cover it as he spoke and make sure nothing fell out.

"For beating the crap at him," she answered with a sheepish smile. "It kind of... scared the crap out of me at first, seeing you like that. I never thought you were the type of guy who'd do something like that. But now, it just... I feel like I got vengeance, through you. He's gonna be walking around with a broken nose and everyone's going to know what happened to him. That's just satisfying to know," she shrugged.

There's slight confusion at the answer but Jackson accepted it at face value for a moment, wiping his hand on his napkin before reaching across the table to take one of hers and give it a gentle squeeze. It hadn't been his intention. There hadn't been one, really, other than beating the life out of him and making sure that he knew there was no way in hell he'd be able to get away with something like that without consequence.

"I already told you, whatever you need. I'll do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler but.... I hope y'all don't think Jackson is off the hook with this one.


	13. Finals

Somehow, the rest of the term manages to go by without too many hitches.

As much as any college term can, at least. April’s organization was to an extreme point which helped her stay on top of things, and now more than ever she found comfort in that. It was one of her more harmless obsessions, making it easy to brush over by the people who cared about her most.

By the time finals come around the corner, she’s predictably a hot mess. Lack of knowledge or preparation had never been an issue for her, but instead, it’s the same problem that had berated her for the majority of her life: lack of confidence. Flashcard after flashcard is made practice tests gone through with a fine tooth comb, and yet tears are shed both before and after each test that is taken. After, at least, with some relief. But it still managed to be a little extreme by anyone who happened to bear witness, even if most college students were somewhat understanding of the breakdown. After all, who really hadn’t had one?

Her chemistry exam was on the last scheduled night of finals, and the evening before, Arizona finds her buried inside of one of the study lounges on the floor, textbook open and pages scattered around the table.

“I saw you in here this morning. Have you moved all day?” The blonde chirped.

“I’ve peed a few times. Refilled my water bottle.” April answered with a shrug.

Arizona plopped down at the empty chair across from the redhead, crossing her legs underneath her. She peered over at the color-coded, meticulously organized papers and scribbles of handwriting in the margins to decipher the class.

“Oh, jeez. I hated chemistry when I took it. Still do, actually. That’s why I majored in biology.”

A timid smile was offered by April for a moment. It was clear that she hadn’t intended to just pop her head in and walk away, and realistically, her brain could use a break from the cramming of chemistry inside of it. She dropped the pen in her hand after a moment, leaning back in her chair.

“Yeah, I like biology more,” she agreed. A secret smile flitted on her lips, thoughts fondly straying to her boyfriend for a moment. “It’s much more interesting than chemistry is, I think. I’m not looking forward to taking organic next year, but I have to since I’m pre-med. Apparently, Dr. Burke is the worst to have for any class though, so as long as I’m not enrolled with him, it can’t be any worse.”

Laughter spilled from Arizona’s lips. “Yeah, he’s terrible. I had him when I was a freshman. Pretty sure only freshman ever end up in his class, because everyone else already knows how terrible he is.” She agreed.

“Are you looking forward to graduating? I know I am, and I still have years…” April inquired.

“I’m not graduating this spring, actually,” the blonde corrected.

April paused, frowning. “What? Really? I thought that you were a senior.”

“It’s my fourth year, so I am technically a senior. But next year I’m actually going to be a fifth-year senior. My brother was in the military and he died during my sophomore year. I went a little off the rails after that, left the university for the rest of the semester and took some time to recover. It took a lot of therapy but I picked it back up. I’ll graduate next spring,” Arizona opened up and explained, the smile that curved her pink lips a sad one with the honesty spilling. It was something that she didn’t share with many people, but she felt a small bond with April after she’d experienced the younger girl going through a breakdown. She thought that it was important for her to know that everyone went through one, heavy reasons or otherwise.

“Oh. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” April fell quiet for a moment, lips rolling between her teeth. Her gaze dropped for a few seconds before looking up to meet blue eyes again. “You’re really strong, you know? I would’ve never guessed something like that. You just seem so perfect on the outside.” She confessed.

A shrug of her shoulders followed the young woman’s words. “You’re strong too, April. You don’t walk around like you’ve been through what you’ve been through. It’s a lot easier to see that on someone else than it is yourself.”

A handful of quiet seconds passed between the two young women, soft smiles on their expression and sharing it for what it was. April’s hand hesitantly reached across the table and Arizona took it without any thought, giving it a gentle squeeze. Neither of them could change or say anything to make what had happened to them better, but the blonde’s wise words had offered April some much-needed perspective on how she viewed herself.

“Thank you,” April breathed out quietly after a few moments.

“Of course,” Arizona answered quickly. She stood up, a bright smile glowing across her features. “I’ll let you get back to your studying, but I’m sure that you’re going to do fine. Make sure that you get some rest, though. You don’t want to fall asleep during your exam.”

The words are taken to heart, only going through her notes once more time before packing up her study materials and heading back to her dorm room for the night. Julia had been lucky enough to finish up with exams earlier than April had and it left her alone in her room for a night. Her things were mostly packed up already, to be moved out in the morning shortly after she finished her exam.

Morning comes and goes, as does the chemistry exam. April spent nearly until the very last minute going through her problems and checking, again and again, to see if she could do anything to make her answers better or more accurate. Getting an A in this class was especially important to her and she knew that she was just on the precipice between an A and an A–. That little difference may not have been much when it came to breaking down the points, but it meant just about everything to her.

Freedom finally hits her when she turns it in and all but runs back to her dorm room, spring sun shining through the blinds of the dorm room. Her stomach rumbled with hunger, but she knew that it wouldn’t last long.

A small white lie had been said to her parents, telling them that she didn’t actually finish with classes until tomorrow and would be driving home after. She wanted to give herself one last day with Jackson given how little time had been spent together in the past week with her studying for exams – an effort to try and keep their relationship as a couple, and their relationship as student and teacher, as separate as possible. With everything loaded into her car, she drove over to his townhouse, planning on staying with him for the night. She was as excited as could be, all of the stress out of her way. While most students probably would have still been worried about getting exam scores back, having this plan on her agenda erased that.

“Hey, baby,” Jackson greeted as April bounded in the door, bending down to kiss her on the cheek. “Why don’t you park in the garage and I’ll move my car onto the street? That way you don’t have to worry about anything getting stolen.”

Idea is taken with quick thought and the arrangements made. It wasn’t long before the two of them had sat down for lunch and scarfed it down. A desperately needed nap is taken on the couch under the guise of watching some movie, her head resting on Jackson’s lap, his hand stroking through her soft waves of hair and combing it out with his fingers. 

By the time that she stirred awake, her eyelids flutter to look up at her boyfriend’s face. He was somewhat focused on the movie on the screen and April gave a slight stir on his lap to let him know that she was awake.

“You feeling a little better?”

“Mmhm.”

April slowly sat out, adjusting and feeling her back pop as her arms stretching above her head. “I’m gonna miss you this summer, you know. Working on the farm is going to be boring.”

Jackson shifted over, an arm wrapping around her slender waist and pulling her close so that he could press a firm kiss against her lips. “I’m going to miss you too, you know.” He murmured, giving another kiss. “No one to keep me company.”

“We can text…” She suggested, taking a kiss for herself. “And FaceTime. And I’ll be back in August. You could always come visit me in Moline, you know,” she teased. “A lot more subtle than me trying to excuse coming here with my parents.”

“Maybe,” he suggested with a chuckle. “Do you think that you’re going to tell them about us?”

“They know about you, actually,” April answered. “They just don’t know that you’re my professor. Jackson’s my amazingly terrific boyfriend and Dr. Avery is my fantastic biology professor. They just don’t happen to realize that he’s the same person.” 

“Same thing with my mom, actually. She knows about you.”

Thin eyebrows arch up with his honesty, a smile warming her features. “That makes me happy.”

It’s a sweet night spent between the both of them, finding themselves making love with the knowledge that it was going to be a long summer for the both of them. Naked skin pressed close to each other for the entire night, cuddled around each other and not wanting to move. Morning light streamed in through open windows, limbs a little more sprawled against the soft sheets.

Jackson woke up before she did, his hand running over the smooth curve of her hip before resting on her stomach. His cock was pressed against the cheek of her rear, a slight strain. Fingers slowly dip lower till they rested between her thighs, finding wetness there and smirking to himself. A few strokes are made among her folds before his middle finger found the sensitive nub of her clit and starting with slow circles being rubbed against it.

Moans stir April in the slightest though she doesn’t wake up entirely, rolling a little flatter onto her back so that her thighs fell open for him. It’s not until his fingers sped up after a few long minutes that she wakes up properly and becomes aware of what her boyfriend is doing that she swears under her breath and begs him for more, hips giving a slight raise to try and meet the movements. It doesn’t take long for her to cry out his name and shudder with an orgasm hitting her hard, cheeks and breasts already flushed in the early hours of the morning.

“Hi,” she barely managed to breathe out, blinking a few times and looking over at him.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Jackson teased, grinning and leaning over to kiss her.

“I want to do something for you,” April started slowly, finding the energy in her to sit up. Her hand reached for his cock, already fully erect and resting against his lower abdominals. Wrapping around his length, she gave a few slow and experimental strokes. She’s touched him a few times here and there, but never given him a proper blowjob. He was always so insistent about going down on her that it’d just never happened before he was inside of her.

A groan interrupted anything that Jackson could have tried to say, precum beading at the tip. “You sure?” He questioned, lips parted slightly and brows furrowing.

“Yeah.” April nodded.

“Use the precum as lube. Yeah– just like that.”

Instructions were easy to follow, and truthfully, it was something that she’d already gone and looked into a little on her own time. She’d heard about it from other girls on the floor, none of them seeing to be much of a fan of it, but apparently, it was all their boyfriends ever wanted from them. Jackson had never asked or suggested that this was something that she needed to do, which only made her all the more curious about it. It must have been one of those things about dating an older, refined man instead of getting caught up with some horny teenage boy.

But she started slow, stroking him for a couple of minutes before she’s bending down. His tip rested against a fat bottom lip for a moment, dragging it across the flesh before beginning to take some of him inside of her mouth. It was a little salty, but that was something that she expected. The rub of her tongue against his sensitive slit is a little hard, earning a grunt and slight jolt of his hips.

Jackson’s hand moved to her hair, gathering it up away from her face and taking it as a grip on her. April started to work a little more of him into her mouth, but she knew that there was no way she was going to be able to get all of him in there. It seemed impossible, even though she knew about deepthroating. But that definitely wasn’t going to happen today.

Bobbing her head up and down, things became a little messy as April continued with her task. She swallowed around his length and heard him swear loudly in response. If it’d been possible to smile midst doing this, well, she certainly would have.

With Jackson moaning and writhing above her, April continued her work, swallowing more of him into her mouth. Her hand stroked the length of his cock that she couldn’t fit inside of her mouth, wanting to make sure to give him everything.

“April. April– shit, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna…” Jackson warned her, tugging at her hair a bit roughly.

She pulled back and gave him a few more swift tongues, his cum shooting off and hitting the skin of her breasts in a couple of messy lines. For a moment, all April could do was stare, dumbfounded, at the sticky white substance. Snapping back to reality after a few seconds, her pointer finger came up to swipe a bit of it off of her nipple, sticking her finger into her mouth and sucking it clean like he had done so many times after going down on her. Monkey see, monkey do, she supposed.

“Jesus, baby,” he breathed out with a shake of her head. “God, I wish you could see how unbelievably sexy you are right now.”

“Yeah? I think I just need a shower right now.”

Laughter fell beautifully from both of their lips and they slowly make their way out of their bed and into his shower. It’s a bit of a long shower than what either of them would have normally taken on their own time but they both wanted to try and make the most of every moment that they had together before she needed to drive back home. Blueberry waffles and real bacon, not the microwave stuff, are made for a big breakfast. 

By the time that she needed to actually get up and go, she doesn’t want to. And he doesn’t want her to, either.

“I’m going to miss you…” April trailed off, standing by the open door of her car. A pout had formed on her lips, staring up at him.

“I’m going to miss you too, baby.” Jackson’s hands came up to cup her face and bent down to kiss her hard. Neither of them wanted to let go of it, pushing her back against the car slightly as it heated up. Tongues and lips both mashed together in a mess before they’re finally breaking, both of them desperate for air.

Tears sparkled in her eyes as she looked up at him. “Don’t go falling in love with anyone else while I’m gone.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

April sighed heavily before getting into her car, everything still packed up. It was only a few hours to get home but it was going to feel longer without him there with her. She started the car and glanced up at him one last time, offering him the biggest smile that she could despite the sadness coursing through her. Her family was missed throughout the school year – but now he was going to be the one constantly missed. Pulling out of his driveway, she started down the street.

Jackson watched her car disappear into the distance for a few long moments, chewing at his lower lip before moving his own car back in the garage. Summers could be a lull for professors but he knew that he would be dedicating himself to his work without a doubt, having not much else to do when he wouldn’t be looking around the dating world. 

It was going to be a long summer.


	14. Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of this story, excluding the epilogue. I hope you've all enjoyed reading it as much as I have writing it.

It turned out, all of those cliches that the flew out about college being the best and fastest years of your life were true. That was the last thing that April had expected – because in high school, she’d heard the exact same things aid then, and it’d be absolutely horrific. The entire time she’d wanted nothing more than to get out and away, and she finally had. It seemed like things really did work out, sometimes.

Of course, having her boyfriend by her side helped. She’d ended up working as his TA during her junior and senior year, and he’d been right by her side when it came to applying to medical schools. The recommendation letter that he had written for her had her in tears. It was something that students weren’t generally supposed to see, but an exception had been made – one of the instances when their relationship on a personal and academic level crossed over. She hadn’t been able to get over the beautifully composed words for days. And they still ran through her mind from time to time, particularly when things were so tough that she forgot about the end goal ahead.

During her senior year, as well, she moved in with him. The first three years of school had been spent on campus but she’d told her parents that she was moving in with a close friend, and they hadn’t questioned it. She worked a job and was paying for everything on her own, as far as they knew. The hands-off approach was much appreciated.

“Babe, we need to leave!” Jackson called out.

April was in the master bathroom, finishing up the last touches of getting ready. Today was the graduation ceremony, she’d finally get to walk across that stage and received a diploma stating that she officially had a Bachelor of Science in Biology from Northwestern University. Next fall she’d be rushing off to medical school here, and she couldn’t have been more excited about the prospect. But first, today. Jackson had bought her the dress that she was wearing, a modest but attractive fit that gave her a little more hip than usual, but rested just shy of her knees at a happy length. She couldn’t wait to put on the purple robes over it, grabbing her high heels as she ran down the stairs, curls of auburn hair bouncing as she did so.

“You look amazing,” he complimented as he bent down, kissing her on the lips.

“Careful! Lipstick.” Even if she normally wasn’t quite as much of a neat freak about certain things, April wanted to make sure that today was a good day. Her father was sick so neither of her parents would be there, which meant that Jackson was going to be the one there supporting her, taking pictures. Of course, he’d be there as a professor, too, but right now her priorities were on the personal side of things.

“Didn’t smudge a thing, don’t worry,” Jackson reassured her. “You look perfect, babe. I can’t wait to watch you strut across the stage.”

Her nose twitched at the word choice and she swatted him playfully, dropping her heels down on the floor before stepping into them. “I will walk, very professionally, thank you. Now hurry up – we need to get there early if we don’t want people to notice that you’re driving me.” She reminded him.

The two of them head out, the energy between them buzzing. But April didn’t fully understand Jackson’s excitement.

The day was one that April had been buzzing about for months. As accomplished as she was, she’d always been incredibly modest no matter what the circumstances were. And he’s finally found the exception to that. It brought him so much joy to see her being open about her accomplishments and proud of herself - and it gave him just another reason to be proud. The accomplishment was more than worthy of it all by herself, graduating summa cum laude, but seeing her loving this part of her life meant just as much to him. This was the kind of intrinsic happiness that she deserved. 

A black box containing a beautiful diamond ring was resting in the pocket of his dress pants, something that Jackson had been planning on for months now. He knew that he wanted to marry her, but they could only go so far forward as long as he was teaching at the university. And neither one of them was going anywhere, so patience had been the key to handling this. His day had come. Their day had come. 

The two of them had plans to go out to dinner, plans and reservations already made. She’d have a graduation party to attend afterward with Lexie. Both of them had been Jackson’s TAs for the last two years, and they’d been the kind of competitive friends that pushed each other to be better. It was a miracle that she hadn’t managed to find out about their relationship with all of the time that had been spent together. But Jackson wanted to make sure that April went to her party with an engagement ring on her finger, give her one more thing to be proud of and excited for today. 

“Good luck, sweetheart,” he leaned over and kissed her cheek, nose nuzzling her cheek for a moment. 

“Thank you,” she turned her head just enough to get a proper kiss. 

Getting out of the car, April’s quick to get where she needed to be, buzzing with excitement. Hopefully, the ceremony wouldn’t go on for too long because she didn’t think she’d be capable of sitting still for too extended of a time with all of the energy that she had coursing through her at the moment. At least that was one area in which being so near the center of the alphabet would give her some kind of advantage. 

The opening remarks are heartwarming as always, but Jackson was almost positive that he’d heard the same speech before given that this was the sixth commencement that he had attended as a professor. After so many, they start to blur together. It’s great to see his students graduate to move onto bigger and better things, but he’s never been excited about the ceremony himself. Even his one. Getting his Ph.D. had been an accomplishment, but his high school and undergraduate graduations hadn’t felt like anything special. As an Avery, it was merely what was expected of him. But for once, he’s excited, thrilled at the prospect of seeing his girlfriend and hopefully soon to be fiancée walk across that stage.

As the names begin to be called, Jackson sits forward with anticipation. Maybe it’s a little ridiculous given how many people are about to walk off the stage and that she’s only going to be about halfway through the ceremony, but he doesn’t care. His full attention is given until her name is called.

_April Noelle Kepner._

Among the polite clapping that was normal for anyone walking across the stage was Jackson’s, loud and enthusiastic, letting out a moderately unprofessional whoop that earns him a curious look or two from his coworkers. But he doesn’t care – not when in his head, he already had all of this figured out. They’d move to Boston together, she’d go to Harvard and he’d be teaching at Northeastern University. Some place in Cambridge would be their home, he’d make the commute for work. There, no one would know the history between the two of them. They could have their start as any normal couple, get married, and let the rest fall into place. That was all that mattered to him now.

When the commencement ceremony had been completed and their caps had been tossed, they’re quick to meet up once again and get heading over to the restaurant. Osteria Langhe was the perfect balance of both fancy and comfortable, the two of them splitting a bottle of wine with the meal that was unlikely to be finished. Jackson ordered the beef tartare while April went with the agnolotti dal plan. They’d been here once before together, and she’d loved it.

But the real winner was dessert. Tiramisu was April’s all-time favorite dessert, something that was a well-known fact between the both of them given that any time they went out together and it was an option, she pretty much always ended up requesting that they split one.

Tonight’s would be one that was handcrafted for just the two of them, a deal that he had worked out before getting here. The ring had been passed off to the hostess out of his girlfriend’s view with a note, knowing that the chef would already know what to do. A nice tip was going to be left at the end of the night, of course, for both the waiter and the man doing the work to actually get his proposal done the way that he had been planning it for months.

With much anticipation, the dessert is finally served and Jackson’s excitement was nearly palpable. His leg jittered underneath the table, glad that she wasn’t able to see it and pick up on his nerves. He allowed her to chat away about their plans for the summer – a small weekend trip had been made for the two of them next weekend, up to a lake house that they’d found on Airbnb, and then after that, she was going to be working in a research lab studying pain management. It was work that was both interesting and something that he was excited about, and normally, it would have had his full attention. Tonight, though, he’s less concerned about the chatter leaving her lips as he was the action. He’s careful with his own bites of the split dessert, not taking too much and wanting her to be the one to clink against the ring at the bottom of it.

“And I really think that Dr. Li– oh. Oh god, I think there’s something in here.” April’s nose curled up in disgust as she pushed the tips of the fork around the dessert further, gaze dropping to focus on the task at hand.

“Hmm?” It’s all that Jackson could manage to get out, not wanting to ruin the surprise.

“There’s something in here! Here.” As she scooped it out, enough of the piece of jewelry was revealed to make it obvious that it was a ring.

As April realized exactly what it was, she froze and her eyes blew up wide. Had the situation not been such a serious one, it likely would have been comical. Jackson watched her reaction process and took a deep breath before moving out of his chair, just enough that he can take her free hand inside of both of his and drop down to a knee in front of her. The loud gasp and sight are just enough that it began to draw attention from some of the other diners in the restaurant, slowly beginning to turn all eyes on the two of them.

“April, I love you,” Jackson started. “And I’ve loved you and wanted to do this for a long time. But you already know why today is the perfect day, for the both of us. Today’s the day that we finally get a chance at really starting our life together, as moving forward and having a future together no matter what’s thrown in our way. There’s no other woman or person on this planet that I rather spend the rest of my life with. In all of my years, I’ve never met someone as mature or sophisticated as you are, someone so passionate about everything that she invests herself in, and someone who cares for me and loves me with the intensity that you do. Truthfully, there’s no one on the planet who could ever compare to you in so many ways. And I know you don’t always see how amazing you are, so I’d like to be the person by your side for the rest of the life to constantly remind you of that. Because you are amazing, April Kepner, and I’d very much like for you to be my wife.” The speech is a mostly rehearsed one, the only reason that he’s able to remain calm despite the nerves in his stomach. “Will you marry me?”

What felt like an impossibly long moment between the two of them passed as April stared down at her proposing boyfriend dumbfounded, the surprise of the evening taking her off guard more than anything. She’d always thought that she’d been able to read him like he was nothing more than a book, and yet this had her blindsided.

“Yes– yes! Oh my gosh, yes, of course, I’ll marry you.” She finally squealed out with a smile breaking across her surprised facade, nearly stumbling out of her seat. Jackson wasted no time in swooping in, kissing her hard. “I love you so much, baby,” he mumbled against her lips, not wanting to break the kiss even for so much as oxygen. He wanted to spend the rest of his life kissing and cherishing her, wanting to value absolutely every moment between the two of them. And this was one that the both of them would absolutely remember for the rest of their lives.

“I love you too, Jackson,” April replied as she finally broke the kiss for air, stretched up on her toes and her forehead resting against his with a large, loving smile on her face. The audience of people witnessing the proposal are happy to cheer and clap for the two of them, unaware of the complicated situation that had only been vaguely referenced in the proposal. By all watching eyes, they were nothing more than a normal, happy couple.

And that’s all that either of them wanted to be. Happy, normal.

The boundaries between the two of them didn’t matter. With soulmates, it rarely did. Two people so fated to be together have a way of finding each other in one way or another in their life. The bridges that are meant to be crossed, and even burned, all lead to the same point in the road that would bring the two of them together. In many ways, age was just a number – the content of a soul wasn’t always defined by that factor alone, instead, a number of variables played into it to define the humanity that was found inside of a person. That was just the type of thing that it didn’t matter if he was thirty-five and she was twenty-two when they proposed, because the both of them were so full of joy and happiness to have each other in their lives, nothing besides that mattered. The rest would eventually fall into place, one way or another. It was one of those moments where life truly worked out, and all was meant to be.


	15. Epilogue

“Jackson, baby, we’re going to be late!”

The affectionate warning is called out as April put in her second earring. Mornings were always nothing short of an absolute rush in the Avery household, ever since they’d had their third (and supposedly final) child. Samuel Norbert had come along as somewhat of a surprise, the oldest of the bunch, from a long weekend of celebration after she’d finished up all her medical school work and both halves of the couple finally got to identify as a Doctor of their respective specialties. It’d definitely made her first year of being an intern even more challenging than usual, but she’d come through and they both had the happiest, sweetest little eight-year-old that they knew.

Elizabeth Madeleine had been significantly more planned than her big brothers. As soon as her boards were finished, she’d been conceived the night of in Seattle after a marathon of sex. She was a little diva, there was no doubt about it, all too resemblant of Grandma Catherine. She’d been dressed up in little princess costumes since the beginning and it seemed as if that had influenced her personality development from the beginning.

“I got ‘em, I got ‘em!” Jackson hollered as he rushed down the stairs, after Samuel, with little Beth on his hip. A tutu was worn over her normal clothes. Sometimes an effort was made to reign in her rule, but ever since she’d become pre-K, they’d both become more lenient with her. That and becoming a big sister had taken a big hit on her.

“I’m ready, mommy!” Samuel announced as he barreled into April’s legs, his tiny arms wrapping around her. He had no shame about being affectionate with either of his parents, even as he grew up.

“Good job, Sammy,” the mother praised as she ran her hand through his curls of hair lovingly. “Let me get your baby brother and we’ll be all ready to go, okay? Your lunch is packed and on the counter for you. You can grab it.”

April moved to pick up her youngest from the high chair, Motherese voice coming in as she cooed to him. Michael Harper had made his way into the world after his namesake’s death, an impossibly long labor that ended up requiring impressive medical intervention that perhaps would have made the Harper Avery proud. Only four months old, his personality was still developing. Both older brother and sister were completely obsessed with the baby, poking and prodding in the way that young children did. And they both loved to tell all of their friends and anyone who would listen about him. Jackson and April hadn’t worried about Samuel as an older brother, but there’d been a bit of conversation about Beth. Instead, she’d learned from the best.

It was a reminder, truly, about how special it was to have multiple children. They weren’t the only ones looking after each other - they had their siblings as a backup, too. It made April look back fondly over her childhood years and Jackson question what his own would have been like with siblings.

“There’s my little bean,” she grinned as she scooped him up. New nicknames had been come up for each child: peanut for Samuel, nugget for Beth, and bean for Michael. His arms flailed in protest, knowing routine meant the car was next, his least favorite thing.

“My little sports star,” Jackson chuckled, kissing the short hairs on top of his. “C’mon, kids! Off to the car. Mommy’s got to get to work. You know how much she loves being back.”

Samuel and Beth race out to the car together, Beth insisting that she was going to win. Mother and father smile lovingly, pausing a moment to get a kiss of their own before falling their children out to the car. It doesn’t take long to get their youngest strapped in despite his fussy persistence, Beth much happier to have her father strap her in. Samuel was now completely insistent about being a big boy and not having any kind of car seat, something that had taken some convincing for April to be able to go along with and not completely panic.

The older two get dropped off first at their separate elementary school and pre-K academy, giving the couple a minute to breathe with just the two of them. Mostly. Michael can’t interrupt and question conversation in the same way that his siblings could, but he still liked to make his presence plenty known.

“You know, I still can’t believe your department required you to have an evening test on that specific day,” April commented off-handedly. Each of them had things about each other’s job that was a little hard to wrap their heads around. “But the teacher-parent meeting went really well. Mrs. Venesky adores Sam, says she’s his absolute favorite in his class. And she’s really impressed with how advanced his reading level is, liked that we let him read to Michael and Beth. Apparently every day he asks if he can help her clean up when all the other kids are running outside for recess.”

April couldn’t help but tear up a little fondly. She’d blame it on all the hormones that she still had in her system while she was breastfeeding her youngest, but really, it was just her. If anything was going to hit her emotions with that kind of raw pride and happiness, it was motherhood.

She loved her life. She loved every crazy piece of it. It didn’t matter that Jackson was close to fifty now while she had just barely kissed thirty-five. People were much more open and accepting of it than they had been twenty years ago, but even if they hadn’t been, it wouldn’t have mattered to her. Being with Jackson had brought her confidence like nothing else in her life. It made her a better doctor, a better wife, and most importantly, a better mother. Her children would always be the most important thing on her spectrum no matter what happened in her life.

“It kind of sounds like he’s becoming a real teacher’s pet,” April concluded with a sly smile flitting across her lips, reaching over for the free hand that Jackson kept resting on the center console and giving it a squeeze.

His thumb reflexively gave hers a squeeze and he glanced over at her, a real smile appearing across his expression. April’s joy was absolutely infectious and always had been, her happiness was his happiness. It was a two way street like that, constantly growing and adding to each others. And their kids contributed to it like nothing else. He’d never pictured himself having more than one after his own only child upbringing, and yet, now he would have had a dozen kids with her if fate allowed for it. He’d been a man of his career and research for so long, and April and their children had been the people to open up his life to an entirely different world. A much happier, much more fulfilling one than what he’d had before. Jackson had never considered himself unhappy before all of it, but now, he knew that he could never go back to the way that things were before. He needed his wife and his kids in the same way that he needed oxygen. That was irrefutable.

“Yeah?” He paused. “Sounds just like his mom.” He teased.

“Uh huh? Why don’t you explain the concept to me, Dr. Avery?”

“Anything for you, Miss Kepner.”


End file.
